Cookin'

Whoa, it's been a while! 

I've been busy schooling, graduating, hanging out with my booooooooyfriend, you know. 

All three of the following have really made me start thinking about feminism. 

Here I am an independent woman, with an MSW, and I can support myself. I am independent to the core. Then this fella comes a long and all of a sudden I'm telling someone else my plans, making plans with him, going a long with his plans, and by golly I want to cook for him. Seriously, there's just something about cooking for your maaaaaaaaan.

One day I texted Chris, after telling him I was making BLTs (aka a sandwhich), "I think my inner feminist just died."

It got me thinking, did it really??? 

I don't think so. I'm just as feminist now as ever. Feminism is about women having the same options as men. It is about choice and equality. 

If I want to cook for my man, I will. No shame. If I just don't want to cook, I won't. No shame. It is never expected that I'll cook. I cook often and Chris thanks me every time. I'm sure he appreciates it, but he has never told me I had to cook. 

Conclusion: Though I'm filling some traditional gender roles at the moment, I'm confident my inner feminist is still alive and well. 

Done. Son.

Well, it's here. The day we've all been waiting for.

Well, I've been waiting for it and I'm sure my friends and family have been waiting for the whining to stop.

My last day of internship is tomorrow.

Part of me feels like I spent the last 10 years of my life at that internship. The other part of me feels like I just started last week.

Reality is, that for the last 8-ish months, I have completed 3 insanely hard sessions of graduate school, 512 internship hours, and worked a full 40 hours every week. Ok, well maybe not every week, I took a few vacation hours occasionally when I just couldn't handle it anymore. I had to find a new internship about a month in. I had Lasiks during one of those crazy sessions; seriously though why didn't anyone tell me that was poor timing? I created an awesome program for families; which meant I traveled to Nampa more than ever before. Since that isn't enough, I still managed to Crossfit at least 3 times a week, most weeks, AND I managed to have some occasional fun.

Did I mention I also got A's in all my classes and managed to get the best work eval to date?

So many people have asked me how I did it.

I don't know. I seriously do not know how anyone can survive that, and remain even somewhat sane.

I am going to school to be a clinical social worker, and if any client ever came into my office telling me they were doing all of that I would seriously want to tell them to quit something. Of course, I couldn't tell them to, but I'd want to!

The human body is amazing. The amount of adrenaline and stress hormones that I no-doubt lived off for the last 8 months is incredible. I know that living off those things isn't a good thing, but the fact that a body can perform at a pretty decent level despite all the stress is amazing.

I'm feeling it now though. I am SO tired. I slept all of yesterday, and even this morning I was STILL tired! I also am a tid bit emotional. I mean, I'm normally a cry baby, but this is definitely increased. Don't worry our professors warned us these things may happen. Your body does weird things when all those stress hormones leave.

All that said, I'm glad I did it, MOSTLY because now I have excuse to celebrate like I've never celebrated before!

I still have until October before I get that fancy piece of paper, but I feel like the hardest part is over.

I'm so grateful for my family who supported me through it all. I can't count how many times my parents came over to help my house in one way or another or my aunt, uncle, and cousins coming over to help with my fence. So awesome! And my friends who constantly supported me and made me laugh. They reminded me that I what I do is important, and that I could finish. And of course my poor co-workers who have picked up the slack and dealt with half of my brain being gone for the last 8 months, and never even yelled at me once. I can't tell you how happy I'll be to be able to put more effort into my job. Weird, I know.

It's been a crazy ride, but I did it y'all!

Now... Will someone bring me a beer. Or 20???

First Comes (body) Love

Every time I see something about body love and body shame, I instantly become conflicted. 

I think big girls, little girls, fat girls, thin girls, tall girls, short girls, purple girls, blue girls can all be beautiful.

I think that it is impossible to know health by size alone. (I'm much healthier than some much smaller girls I've met.)

I think taking steps to be healthy is important for all people.

I think (or actually know) that for some (me) it is REALLY hard to drop body fat no matter how hard you try, and it is just plain discouraging.

I think (or actually know) that people who think it's easy or who have never struggled to lose weight (losing weight and struggling to lose weight are different) typically don't get it all, and can (not always) be way more discouraging than encouraging. 

All that being said, here's my thought...

Before anyone can change, they first have to love and accept themselves enough to change. They have to decide that they love themselves no matter what size they are, but they want to be healthier. They also have to realize that the scale may be slow to change, and be ok with that because they love themselves anyway. 

In order for people to encourage others to change, they too have to love first. They have to love and accept their friends and family for who they are. They have to understand its freaking hard. They have to encourage and never shame. (Social Worker Stefani says that shame NEVER creates change.) They have to lead by example and support (Cook healthy for them, eat healthy when you eat with them, suggest fun active activities when you hang out, etc.) They also have to realize that it may take time for their friend or family member to get to a point that they are ready to make the effort to change, and love them despite that. 

I think everyone should love themselves and be healthy, but that's a personal journey and no one gets to express an opinion about either. IF someone reaches out to you for help or guidance, walk beside them and help them, but don't judge them and don't express your opinion unless you're specifically asked. 

Let's be honest, there are few things more hurtful than "healthy people" telling you how wrong you are to be "unhealthy." Especially when they have no idea what your struggles really are.  It's not always a matter of eating right and working out more. There are sometimes biological and psychological factors in play. 

So, I guess what I'm really saying is to stop reducing yourself and others to the shape of your or their bodies. A person is so much more than that. Encourage health, take steps towards health, love yourself, and just enjoy life! 

Dem Dreams

I have been thinking a lot about my career and my future lately. Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do? 

I'm not sure if it's my age or that I surround myself with dreamers and doers, but I know a lot of my friends are in this stage of transition. We're all chasing dreams and making our lives happen. 

Tonight, it struck me how truly awesome that is. Do you know what it's like to be surrounded by people that inspire you to do better, be better, and never settle? To have people in your life that remind you that what you're doing is worth it? To remind your friends that it's worth it, and help them keep moving forward? 

If you don't know what that is like, find that. Find those people. Your life will change. And the truth is, that you never know who you'll inspire! My little cousin told me just a few weeks ago that I inspired her to go to college (the eye sweats waited for my car). DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW AWESOME THAT IS! Just by chasing your own dreams, you can inspire others to do it themselves. 

I hope you find that inspiration. I hope you chase dreams, no matter what they look like. Well... Maybe not dreams of being a drug dealer. But, ya know, do your thing; job security. 😉 

Read A Book

I don't know about you, but in my life there are just people I trust. People that I know I can go to for anything at anytime and they will have my back. I know that what they say to me is truth and is genuine. I know that they wouldn't lead me astray. Even if I haven't spoken to them in a while, I know that they got my back fo lyfe. One of these people moved in behind me when I was 8, and is one of the people I respect most in my life. So, when she told me I needed to read this book, I freaking downloaded as soon as the conversation was over. I knew she wouldn't lead me astray. 

To be honest, I'm not even done with the book. BUT I love it SOOOOOOOO much I feel like the world needs to know about it sooner rather than later. 

Here's a link for you to download it yourself, freaking right now. 

Sheryl Sandburg is my newest hero. She's incredible. 

It's no secret that I'm one of those evil liberals who believe in equality and helping the underdog and bullshit of that nature. It's also probably no secret that I am a damn feminist of sorts. Booooo... 

This book is slightly feminist... BUT DON'T RUN AWAY YET!!!

It's the good kind of feminist. She acknowledges that women have the right to choose how they live their lives. Stay at home mothers, career loving mothers, career loving women, etc. are equals; not one is better than the other.  Women have the option to do what they believe is best for them and their families, and that's beautiful. She also recognizes that women still aren't making as much as men and workplaces are not necessary woman friendly, AND if women want to change this then they have to do something about it. The best thing to do, become women in power. She then explains how to do this! WHAT!?!?!?!?! It's easy, it's simply, it's realistic, and you don't even have to act like a man. She also discusses specific family hurdles. It's incredible, and I love it. Any woman who is career minded, like myself, will likely be interested. She also suggests men read it too, as it might enlighten them on some dynamics. Then, after you start reading it... call me and nerd out to it with me! &&& If you hate it, well hate it in silence cuz I don't need that kind of negativity. 

I love there are so many women with different passions and goals in their lives. I love watching my friends raise their babies. I love watching some of the bad ass women in my hometown raise enough money to make over the parks in town. LIKE WHAT?!?!?!?! That is bad ass. &&& I love my career and everything that comes with being career minded. Some days I feel pretty lonely in my career minded world, but this book has inspired me to push for more and gave me faith and hope that I will achieve some awesome things some day. AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH IT YET!!! 

So go read that. Also, here is a very inappropriate song that I listened too in college and felt was fitting. Don't listen with children around. 

Read a Book

Now I have to go read my school book so I have time to read Sheryl's masterpiece.

Ignorance.

Listen. Ignorance is bliss. Screw anyone who tells you difference.

I NEVER really noticed that I have an insulin deficient before. Never. Now that I've started listening to my body, I totally notice.

Which means my splurges tonight we're not a good idea. Nope. Nope. 

I have been debating as to whether or not to try this new product. I have read a lot of positive responses from people who have PCOS. I'm going to give it a shot. The worse that happens is that it doesn't work and I'm right back here.

My doctor made this sound like such a minor thing. Though it's not a death sentence, it's also not minor. It kinda sucks. Mostly because while I can try to control it, I can never fix it. It will never go away with diet and exercise. That sucks. 

BUT this is my life. And fixable or not I will still make sure I make my life as kick ass as possible. 

The deal...

Here's the deal... 

I don't want to talk about this but I feel I should. 

There are parts I refuse to discuss unless you are like super close to me and I can cry to you.

I feel the need to discuss this, because I'm finding it is discussed but it's not.

Also, it's primarily discussed when when women struggle to have babies (the part I don't want to discuss), but not before. Amd not in regards to fitness. 

There are women, like me, who have struggled with weight and million of other things and not known. Especially since it's estimated that 5-10% of women have this. 

How discouraging! People don't want to get healthy without results, and if you have this you might not see results! 

What is it? 

PCOS

The letters are less scary to me, but it stands for polycystic ovary syndrome. 

You can research the shitty parts of it, but basically it's created a new challenge for me in the fitness world because it involves insulin resistance. If I don't take care of myself I can develop type 2 diabetes.

I'm glad I know what I'm facing, but it's going to be trial and error doing it. I have enlisted a dude who seems to know something to help with my diet. We'll see. 

I definitely am struggling mentally with my body right now. I feel very broken. It'll take some work. 

So, back to why I need to discuss it... 

1. Because if I know anyone with this, it would be great to feel less alone. 

2. I have a ton of fitness crazed friends, and I could use their support now more than ever. 

3. Blogging is a form of therapy for me, and I just need to blog about it. (Even if people don't quite "get" that.)

Thanks for reading friends. ❤️❤️❤️