Mixed Emotions is an Understatement

Seriously, I have so many emotions that go along with this move...

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I'm sad to leave the city of my heart because it is the place where I found myself. Where I learned who I am and who I want to be. I made amazing friends here and had so many good times. I learned what it means to be independent and an adult. I put my heart into everything I did and sometimes it hurt, but I have no regrets. This is the place I feel comfortable. More comfortable than even in the town I grew up in. Here I get to be me, and not what everyone thinks I should be. I'm sad to leave my home behind. I feel comfortable here.

Moving back "home" makes me feel self conscious. I know I will run into people I haven't seen in a very long time. People who think they know who I am, but have no idea who I am. People who make me feel judged just by looking at me. People who probably judge me just by looking at me. Not to mention the fact that I will be living in a town where people my age are married with kids or just want to party 24/7. And I don't feel like I'm part of either group. I'm planning on buying my own house, and I think people will look down on me for doing so. Because that's something you're supposed to do with a husband. Certainly not when your single.

I'm scared to move back because I don't know what my life will be like. Will I make friends? With who? Will I be all alone in this town? Who will I call for random ice cream trips? What kind of church will I go to? Will they be loving or judgmental? What will I do if all the churches turn out to be more judgmental than I imagined? Will I feel a sense of community or alone? How out of place will I feel? Will work consume me? Will I become a crazy dog lady? What if people don't get me? Don't understand who I am? What if I forget who I am?

I do feel some excitement. I feel excited for the next chapter of my life. I'm excited to buy a house and buy a car. I'm excited to not have to depend on my parents so much. I'm excited to see where my life goes. I'm excited about my job and how amazing it is! I'm excited to be closer to family, and able to hang out with them more! I am excited to see the good things that come out of this. I'm excited to stay in a home for longer than a year and not have to move.

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... I guess that these mixed emotions are normal. And I hope that they'll go away. More than anything I'm just ready to get a move on and see what happens.

Cross your fingers it'll be good.