So I'm chillin' at the hotel, motel, Spring Hill Suites! Watching NCIS (my fave) & full on Red Robin (Yuuuuuuum). Tomorrow I go to orientation. I'm so nervous. I'm so excited. I'm so nervous. Did I mention I'm nervous? Fear of the unknown kills me. I'm certain that it'll be worth it. I'm certain it will be painful. All of my usual confidence has left me. I feel insecure. I feel needy. I wish my Chihuahuas were here because I could use some snuggles. Or a hug. Maybe both. I feel a pretty alone in my anxiety... I'd feel very alone if it wasn't for my dear friend Jessica.
It really is a unique situation. I have an opportunity to reach my goals. I should be nothing but excited! BUT my goals require hard work. My mortgage requires payment. My car requires payment. I require sleep. I require exercise. Somethings going to give and I fear what it will be. It'll probably be my sanity. I know I can do it, because I have to do it. I have given myself no other option. I will keep all my balls in the air. Well, maybe not my sanity. People seem to not understand why I would do this to myself. The fact is, without this degree chances are I will never be more than I am. I refuse to top out at 25. Refuse. That being said, it is NOT helpful when people say things like, "That will be so hard." "I could never do it!" "WOW, I don't envy you!" Intentions are good, but not reassuring.
I just need to be told it will be ok.
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