Human

Here's the deal about my own personal hell. 

I will get through it my way. 

I will cry.

I will eat or drink something I shouldn't.

I will occasionally look like hell.

I will be a bitch at times.

I will be an annoying negative Nancy.

I will be hard to love.

If you don't like these things feel free to ignore me. 

If I piss you off, get over it or move on.

I can only give my energy to so many things, and currently pleasing others is not on my list.

I'm human and I will allow myself to be human. 

Cry Baby

I don't know what it is, but Crossfit is totally an emotional outlet for me. &&& That means sometimes I cry.

I get so mad at myself!

I don't know if I cry simply because I'm tired, the WOD is hard, or because it's my safe zone.

I'm thinking the last one.

I walked in the box today feeling so good. I just completed another day!

Then it was like all the emotions I was trying to hide bubbled up.

Then I got mad at myself. Then it got worse.

For the most part I was able to hold it together, but shit dude.

I hope this isn't the next 6 months of my life.

I'm sure it'll happen more, but I hope it gets better.

I really am doing pretty good! Or so I thought.

Perhaps I'm just bottling my emotions...

Hot Generation of Old People

It's almost been 2 years since I started this journey towards being a better me. 2 YEARS!!! When I turned 24 I promised myself that I would look better by 25. That mission was accomplished! Now I'm rounding around the bend towards 26! 

I'm so old! Gettin' closer to that big Three Oh! 

Anywho, one thing that still boggles my mind is how I continue to plan workouts into my life. Some days it's easy! 

Today, I'm going to go walk the canyon with my mom. Crossfit is always a no brainer. If I can go, I will go. Simple as that. 

Other days, it's harder, but absolutely necessary. I get this urge. This feeling. This anxious, jittery feeling that I need to do something. If I don't do something I feel gross. Really gross. Bleh! 

It is just natural for me to work out these days. 

It's funny, because it was so hard at first. So hard to make that choice. So hard to keep at it. There were days where it was touch and go. There were days when I needed someone to say, "Stefani get your butt in here." There were/are days where I have the slowest, weakest, poopiest workouts. 

The difference between now and before? I did the work outs. I do the work outs. I will do the workouts. No matter how hard they are. No matter how much suck I have. No matter how I feel. I'll do them. 

I hope that everyone can get to this point. I hope that exercise becomes love for everyone I know. I don't care what form of exercise is chosen. Just that it happens. 

Considering that I may be single forever, I am really hopin' for a hot generation of old people as we age. I'll still need my eye candy at 80. :)

Blogging

I keep thinking about blogging. I love blogging. I have a million things to write and a million things I don't want to write. 

It's so conflicting. Ha!

I'm afraid of blogging while I go to school, because I fear it will get sad. I won't be able to suppress my frustrations and anger, and it'll come out in my writing. BUT I suppose it needs to get out of my head... 

So, I'm going to try to blog more, and get it all out.