Done. Son.

Well, it's here. The day we've all been waiting for.

Well, I've been waiting for it and I'm sure my friends and family have been waiting for the whining to stop.

My last day of internship is tomorrow.

Part of me feels like I spent the last 10 years of my life at that internship. The other part of me feels like I just started last week.

Reality is, that for the last 8-ish months, I have completed 3 insanely hard sessions of graduate school, 512 internship hours, and worked a full 40 hours every week. Ok, well maybe not every week, I took a few vacation hours occasionally when I just couldn't handle it anymore. I had to find a new internship about a month in. I had Lasiks during one of those crazy sessions; seriously though why didn't anyone tell me that was poor timing? I created an awesome program for families; which meant I traveled to Nampa more than ever before. Since that isn't enough, I still managed to Crossfit at least 3 times a week, most weeks, AND I managed to have some occasional fun.

Did I mention I also got A's in all my classes and managed to get the best work eval to date?

So many people have asked me how I did it.

I don't know. I seriously do not know how anyone can survive that, and remain even somewhat sane.

I am going to school to be a clinical social worker, and if any client ever came into my office telling me they were doing all of that I would seriously want to tell them to quit something. Of course, I couldn't tell them to, but I'd want to!

The human body is amazing. The amount of adrenaline and stress hormones that I no-doubt lived off for the last 8 months is incredible. I know that living off those things isn't a good thing, but the fact that a body can perform at a pretty decent level despite all the stress is amazing.

I'm feeling it now though. I am SO tired. I slept all of yesterday, and even this morning I was STILL tired! I also am a tid bit emotional. I mean, I'm normally a cry baby, but this is definitely increased. Don't worry our professors warned us these things may happen. Your body does weird things when all those stress hormones leave.

All that said, I'm glad I did it, MOSTLY because now I have excuse to celebrate like I've never celebrated before!

I still have until October before I get that fancy piece of paper, but I feel like the hardest part is over.

I'm so grateful for my family who supported me through it all. I can't count how many times my parents came over to help my house in one way or another or my aunt, uncle, and cousins coming over to help with my fence. So awesome! And my friends who constantly supported me and made me laugh. They reminded me that I what I do is important, and that I could finish. And of course my poor co-workers who have picked up the slack and dealt with half of my brain being gone for the last 8 months, and never even yelled at me once. I can't tell you how happy I'll be to be able to put more effort into my job. Weird, I know.

It's been a crazy ride, but I did it y'all!

Now... Will someone bring me a beer. Or 20???

First Comes (body) Love

Every time I see something about body love and body shame, I instantly become conflicted. 

I think big girls, little girls, fat girls, thin girls, tall girls, short girls, purple girls, blue girls can all be beautiful.

I think that it is impossible to know health by size alone. (I'm much healthier than some much smaller girls I've met.)

I think taking steps to be healthy is important for all people.

I think (or actually know) that for some (me) it is REALLY hard to drop body fat no matter how hard you try, and it is just plain discouraging.

I think (or actually know) that people who think it's easy or who have never struggled to lose weight (losing weight and struggling to lose weight are different) typically don't get it all, and can (not always) be way more discouraging than encouraging. 

All that being said, here's my thought...

Before anyone can change, they first have to love and accept themselves enough to change. They have to decide that they love themselves no matter what size they are, but they want to be healthier. They also have to realize that the scale may be slow to change, and be ok with that because they love themselves anyway. 

In order for people to encourage others to change, they too have to love first. They have to love and accept their friends and family for who they are. They have to understand its freaking hard. They have to encourage and never shame. (Social Worker Stefani says that shame NEVER creates change.) They have to lead by example and support (Cook healthy for them, eat healthy when you eat with them, suggest fun active activities when you hang out, etc.) They also have to realize that it may take time for their friend or family member to get to a point that they are ready to make the effort to change, and love them despite that. 

I think everyone should love themselves and be healthy, but that's a personal journey and no one gets to express an opinion about either. IF someone reaches out to you for help or guidance, walk beside them and help them, but don't judge them and don't express your opinion unless you're specifically asked. 

Let's be honest, there are few things more hurtful than "healthy people" telling you how wrong you are to be "unhealthy." Especially when they have no idea what your struggles really are.  It's not always a matter of eating right and working out more. There are sometimes biological and psychological factors in play. 

So, I guess what I'm really saying is to stop reducing yourself and others to the shape of your or their bodies. A person is so much more than that. Encourage health, take steps towards health, love yourself, and just enjoy life! 

Dem Dreams

I have been thinking a lot about my career and my future lately. Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do? 

I'm not sure if it's my age or that I surround myself with dreamers and doers, but I know a lot of my friends are in this stage of transition. We're all chasing dreams and making our lives happen. 

Tonight, it struck me how truly awesome that is. Do you know what it's like to be surrounded by people that inspire you to do better, be better, and never settle? To have people in your life that remind you that what you're doing is worth it? To remind your friends that it's worth it, and help them keep moving forward? 

If you don't know what that is like, find that. Find those people. Your life will change. And the truth is, that you never know who you'll inspire! My little cousin told me just a few weeks ago that I inspired her to go to college (the eye sweats waited for my car). DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW AWESOME THAT IS! Just by chasing your own dreams, you can inspire others to do it themselves. 

I hope you find that inspiration. I hope you chase dreams, no matter what they look like. Well... Maybe not dreams of being a drug dealer. But, ya know, do your thing; job security. 😉