30 Years!!!

So, my parents have been married for 30 YEARS!!! Yup!!! THIRTY!!! Crazy, huh??? In honor of them here are 30 things my parents have taught me about life, marriage, and kids. I hope that I can teach my kids the same lessons some day. Also, remember what you tell your kids makes an impact. I'm sure my parents may not even remember telling me some of these things, but said them... because they're awesome!

1. To avoid divorce, you don't get divorced. Which is almost a direct quote from my mom. One time I asked her how to avoid divorce and she said, "You just don't get divorced." You may not like your spouse everyday. There may be days... maybe weeks... that you don't even want to see their face. However, you stick it out through those times. &&& It turns out it is worth the beautiful times to come.

2. Have fun before kids. We'll get to the "after kids" section in a minute, BUT get your fun out first. My parents were married for 5 years before they had me. My mom said that when they got married people asked when they baby was coming, and she said "In 5 years." Guess who was prego with yours truly exactly 5 years later. In the mean time, they learned to be married and they had fun! From the stories it sounds like they had some pretty good times. I'm sure I only know the half of it, but I know those are fond memories for my parents.

3. When you have kids they are your one and only priority. Ok, that may sound extreme, but it's true. My parents provided everything Jesse and I could ever need and most of everything we wanted. They sacrificed for us more than I think I'll ever know. Seriously, my dad has commuted to the Wood River Valley nearly every day for almost 20 years, so we could grow up in Gooding. If that's not selfless I'm not sure what is.

4. Quality Time > Quantity Time. This kind of ties into number 3. Both of my parents worked most of my life; with the exception of those early years. I never knew any different, and I really don't think that either of us suffered. BECAUSE when my parents weren't working, they were with us. They didn't go out on the weekends. They didn't go hang out with friends and leave us with the babysitter. They were home. When they would need to do things we went or one stayed home with us and the other went. They were actively engaged with us in the process as well. We got plenty of quality time with our parents, and I think we're better  people for it.

5. Give. Yup, it's that simple. If people need your time, you give it. If people need help, you help. If people need money and you have it, you give it. My parents would give the shirt off their backs most days to most people. They've certainly been burned in the process, but they continue to give.

6. Different kids require different parenting. My parents will laugh at this one. Let me tell you how many screaming matches there may have included me saying, "BUT I DIDN'T GET THAT!" or "YOU NEVER LET ME DO THAT!" or "IF I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT!" or "THERE IS SUCH A DOUBLE STANDARD!" The list goes on. Now that I see the products of parents who aren't willing to adjust their parenting styles to their kid, I say, "BRAVO MOM AND DAD! BRAVO!" Because, Jesse and I may look a lot alike, but we're different. For that reason they had to parent us differently.

7. Some rules, you just don't let your kids break. In retrospect, my parents were a lot less strict then I thought they were. I think I was probably more strict with myself then they would have been, but there were some things my parents just weren't down with. One of those things... Do not be late for curfew. Now, I was never late without a phone call. Jesse was late one time. ONE TIME. &&& Our family and his friends will never forget it. Because, when you're late for curfew in the Campa house, they don't wait until you come home... THEY FIND YO' ASS! Also, you don't shoot paintball guns when mom and dad leave you home alone. And no boys in your room. (Don't you fret, I never tested that one, cuz I'm pretty sure Papa Campa would have found his ass too.) There were a lot of other rules we broke and got away with and a lot of week long groundings that lasted 2 days. But, there were some rules we just didn't break.

8. It doesn't matter what "everyone else is doing." I don't even know how often my dad said something along the lines of, "I don't give a shit who's going, you're not." Now, there were times that I didn't get to go places or do things, and nothing bad would have happened if I did. Some of those times, however, legitimately weren't anything I needed to be doing. I got to do a lot of things, but my parents always made sure I was supervised and always made sure that they were appropriate. I certainly didn't get to just roam around town because I wanted to, and I think I avoided a lot of trouble that way. Also, my parents NEVER reinforced the high school mentality of "Everyone is doing, and if you don't do it your a loser." I think that effectively taught us to be independent people this way, and we were able to make good decisions in bad situations because of this.

9. Hard Work. My parents demonstrated excellent work ethic in their jobs, but they also taught us work ethic in our lives. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit basketball mid basketball season, and my dad never let me. Why? Because, if you start something you finish it. I could have quit before the season started, but once I stepped into practice for the first day I was committed for the season. It may sound trivial,and may parents just let their kids quite, because "Basketball should be fun." However, through that I learned, that sometimes things suck. Sometimes you don't want to do things, but you have to. For that reason, I learned to work. I have changed jobs throughout my life, but I've always had reasons besides "I don't like it". When I did change jobs I made sure that I wouldn't put myself in a bad financial situation or threw my keys and quit without thinking. &&& When I do work... I work hard. I get my shit done, and I get it done as efficiently as possible. As crazy as it may seem, I think that my dad forcing me to play basketball really impacted me in that way. (PS: I always loved basketball sometimes I just would get frustrated because I was not as talented as I would have liked to be. I think he probably also knew that, and didn't want me to give up something I loved.)

10. Support your kids no matter what. I think that this became especially evident when my brother and I were in our college years. I mean, what parent in their right mind supports their daughter through 2 transfers and 7 degree changes? They never once discouraged me, but encouraged me to do what it took to figure out where I was going. And what parents support their son to get a golf degree? Not many, but my parents did. They saw Jesse's potential, and have helped him to achieve it. Obviously, they were supportive in our younger years, too. We never missed a  sports practice, a dance class, or an activity we wanted to participate in. My parents would take time out of work to make sure we got where we needed to go AND they would come cheer us on at just about every game and activity. I can't even count how many times they came to my basketball games, and watched me sit the bench. If that's not supportive, I'm not sure what is.

11. Marriage requires dependence on each other. I feel like we're entering an age where everyone wants to be independent. I think that there is benefits of being independent. Have you seen me? I'm very proud of my independence. At the same time, marriage is about being dependent on each other. It's about being dependable. It's about being their when your spouse needs you. It's about being able to rely on your spouse when you need them. They are the one person in the world has committed to having your back for life, and you become dependent. I think think it's a beautiful things when two people truly become one. Sure, you have your individuality in some ways, but when people ask who's coming to dinner they don't ask "Is Bobbie coming?" They ask, "Are Bobbie and Jesse coming." Also, my mom can't sleep well without my dad snoring beside her, which I think is kind of precious. Weird. But precious.

12. People are people. Honestly, my parents are some of the most liberal people I know. Which cracks me up. They do not judge people based on what they look like, who they love, what they do, how much money they make, etc. They genuinely judge people based on their character. They realize, and taught us, that everyone you meet is either a good person or their not, and you can't judge a book by it's cover. A clean cut dude can be a piece of shit and a dude covered in tattoos may be the best person you've ever met. You never know, so be kind to people and judge them based on who they really are and no who you assume they are.

13. Don't assume. I learned this as a young age with a pissed off Papa Campa. Listen, my dad hardly ever gets mad... but one time I made him mad because I assumed a few things and ran my mouth and someone got in trouble and... woops. I was young. Like real young. Like maybe 8 or so??? I remember him saying, "Do you know what 'assuming does?'" I said, "No..." Papa Campa, "It makes and ass out of you and me!" Welp, I have never forgotten that. I have tried really hard not to assume since that day. And clearly, it's solid advice.

14. We're well nurtured, not spoiled. Ok, Ok... We're probably a little spoiled. BUT my parents have taught us to be grateful. To appreciate what we have. To be thankful for what we're given. We were also taught to be respectful to others, and have manners. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're spoiled, but we're not rotten. &&& for that I'm very grateful.

15. Laughter. My parents taught us how to joke, and how to laugh. Especially now that we're older we all have so much fun together!

16. Drinking is OK in moderation. Growing up my parents didn't do a lot of drinking. I don't remember having alcohol in the house until we got older. They taught us that drinking is OK, but should not be required to have fun or to function on a daily basis.

17. Grown children are still children. I know that my parents have gone above and beyond for us. They have dropped everything to go to Boise or even to Walla Walla. Sometimes for seemingly minor things, sometimes for big things. I know to some that seems odd. I know many parents that cut their kids off at 18. Not my parents. I think that I have been a lot more successful in my adult life, because of their support. I can take risks, and know that I have someone to fall back on. I know that no matter what I have someone to depend on.

18. Care for those you love. My parents drop pretty much everything to care for those they love. Especially their kids. I was 20 years old and getting my gallbladder out. My mom came up to Boise to take care of me prior to surgery. Both of my parents were there for my surgery. They skipped work and life to take care of me. My mom has taken care of countless people over the years. It's tiring. It's emotionally taxing. It's absolutely worth it and I believe it's a beautiful thing to care for those you love.

19. Confidence. My parents instilled confidence in us. I'm not sure how they did it... I do know that my parents never degraded us, who we are, what we looked like, or what we did. As long as we weren't breaking laws and were making good choices; we got to be our people. To discover our selves. They supported us all along these journeys. I believe that this instilled a lot of confidence in ourselves and decisions.

20. Use your voice. My parents taught us to use our voices. To stand up for ourselves when we need to. Being passive is not productive, and only ends up in pain. This applies to all aspects of life. Communication is key.

21. Buying presents is fun! Ok, so my parents really enjoy buying presents. It takes massive self control for them not to go nuts. We've discussed this. I love giving presents. I LOVE IT! There's nothing more fun then buying the perfect gift for someone, and watching their eyes light up!

22. How to take care of myself. I HATED cleaning the house. I HATED it. Mom and I had several screaming fights over it. I AM SO GLAD MY PARENTS PUSHED ME! I am so glad I can clean. I'm so glad I can cook. I'm so glad I can mow my lawn. I'm so glad that I know these things. I certainly don't take this for granted.

23. Protect your family, fiercely. We've talked about how family is important, but it goes beyond that. My parents have shown us that it's important to protect your kids and your family fiercely. I know that if anyone wronged me in a bad way, my parents and brother would be all over it. I know if someone wronged my brother, I would probably go crazy fast. These are genuinely the most important people in my life, and you protect things that important to you.

24. Things are just things and money is just money. My parents are not materialistic. We have things, yes. We were given things, yes. If my parents had to give it all up for the betterment of their family they would, and and one point they kind of did. I've wrecked cars... My parents reinforced that cars are replaceable. You won't hear my parents talk about how much something costs. You won't hear them asking for people to ever pay them back. In fact, you probably would have to fight them to pay them back. Money is just a thing. As long as we can eat, have a roof over our heads, and we have our family... Life is Good!

25. If you're going to do it, do it well. My parents have never let us settle for "OK". They always knew our potential, and expected it. They also demonstrated this throughout our lives. When they approach a project it ends well, so well.

26. Don't rush into things. Especially not relationships! My parents NEVER encouraged relationships when we were younger. They never said no, but they also never said, "Bring Billy to Thanksgiving!" I think that this is an EXCELLENT way to approach teenager and relationships. I can't count how many of my friends would have a hard time breaking up with high school boyfriends, because they knew families so well. HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIENDS! How silly that there was so much pressure on such young kids. My parents never did that. They wanted us to live our lives, and here we are! They also never pressure me to have kids. Thank goodness. They love my puppies more than I do I think.

27. Early bird gets the worm. I secretly hate that they taught me this, and it's true. Ha! My parents are the people who are at the stores when they open. I kind of didn't like that very much for a period of time. Now, I try to go grocery shopping as early as possible to avoid the crowd. Costco opens at 10 AM. I'll be there. PLUS, then you get to take afternoon naps, because all your shopping gets done early.

28. How to drive a stick shift. Seriously, I did not want to ever drive a stick shift. Ever. But they made me. And thank goodness! I loved driving my stick shift cars! AND it's nice to know that if there's ever a situation where I need to drive someone else's car, I will be able to do it!

29. PRAY! My family may not be what some consider to be an extremely "religious family", but I was certainly raised believing in God. We were taught to pray and believe. My parents pray and believe. It has certainly impacted my life for the better.

30. Family time is important. We ate most dinners as a family, around the table growing up. We still eat meals together when I go home. Extended family parties are important. Family is important and spending time together is essential.

A Year Ago...

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what my life was like a year ago, and what it is now. I'm sharing this because I hope people take 2 things away... 

1. I hope you understand that you don't have to get your life together before you get healthy. By getting healthy, you may find what you need to get your life together.

2. There are dark holes in life. You can sit in them and rot, or you can make moves to get out. If you make moves to get out, your life may turn out more amazing then you dreamed.

I took a job in Twin Falls at the end of July. I REALLY did not want to move to the Magic Valley, but figured that I would be here 2 years and leave. It was a good job, good supervisor, good benefits... What can 2 years hurt right? 

I decided to buy a house in the process, because (as I'm sure many of you know) I'm an extremist. If I'm going to move to a place I don't like, I'm going to buy a house. Yea, the logic is lost on me too. Ha! 

So, as I'm in the process of buying a house (which, by the way, can be a very stressful process) I'm also commuting from Gooding to Twin Falls every day, and living with my parents. Now, anyone ho knows my parents know that they are freaking fantastic. Seriously, amazing. Most people who has ever lived with their parents after living on their own for 5 years will tell you that even if your parents shit butterflies, it's not the ideal situation. I was miserable. Absolutely miserable. 

I was trying to learn a new job. I was a 23 year old girl who just graduated from college, taking the position of a social worker who had been in the job for almost 10 years and been in the field for far longer, I was making decisions that people who have worked in the juvenile justice system for 10+ years didn't always agree with, and I was trying to learn the quarks of a new district (because I was essentially trained in Ada County). It was stressful. At the same time I'm working on buying a house and getting a mortgage. I really had no idea what I was doing (thank goodness for my patient Realtor and banker). I was the definition of a hot mess. Maybe even minus the "hot" part because I was putting on weight fast. 

It got to the point where I was constantly fighting tears. I know that we've established that I cry a lot, but this was different. This was like, "I'm going to cry because I exist" type crying. I would sob on the 45 minute drive home every night. I even began having panic attacks, which I'd never had before. I had pretty much isolated myself from all my friends and had no interest in making new ones. 

I finally had a conversation/crying session with my mom, and told her that I needed anti-anxiety medication because I just couldn't handle any more. I remember telling her, "I have to start completely over in the one place I hate and the one place I never wanted to live." She certainly didn't argue with me, and we went and saw my doctor. I definitely self-diagnosed myself, but my doctor agreed and gave me 3 months worth of anti-depressants. I was determined to keep it to only 3 months. They helped. They helped so much. I really do encourage anyone who is experiencing a stressful time to really seek help, because it can help. But I digress. 

At the beginning of December I finally closed on my house. December 3rd to be exact. I was so excited, and so relieved! We painted my house and I moved in a few weeks before Christmas. I can't tell you how good it felt to be in my own space and be able to get settled.

I knew that I need to get the rest of my life together as well. I knew I need to start working out again, especially if I was going to be off my anti-depressants. At the end of December I bought an elliptical, and January 1st I started using it. My first day I did 10 minutes and almost died, but I kept at it. I also tried to change what I was eating. I continued with this through February. I was using the elliptical every day, about, and I had gotten up to 1 hour on my elliptical. I even got off the anti-depressants. 

Then I started to get bored. I started doing some other work outs, but I knew that if I didn't get someone to ride my ass soon I would be over it. I also knew that I needed friends. I had essentially gone over 6 months with very few social interactions. &&& I NEED my social interactions. I decided that I might be able to kill two birds with one stone. I started looking into gyms and personal training and my cousin told me about Cross-fit and that her friends did it in Twin. I looked into it. I was a little confused on how the pricing worked, and (no joke) thought it was a $400 a month activity. I figured that couldn't be right though, so I went in to check it out. I remember asking Kristin a few minutes into my first day "Ummm, it's only $90 a month right, not $90 a week?" I'm pretty sure laughed at me and assured me that I would not be paying $400 a month.

After the first day, I was hooked. I went straight to the store to buy better shoes and new work out clothes. DUH! Since then it's been nothing but up! Well I guess I've had my bumps, but really nothing major. I've met some awesome friends. Seriously, they are the funniest most caring group of people I've ever been around. I'm arguably in the best shape of my life. I don't think I could have done a Cross-fit work out like I did today, even when I was in the middle of a basketball season in high school. I'm stronger, and all around healthier. 

I've also changed my eating habits. I remember at one point telling Kristin "I will never be able to eat just meat and vegetables or do any kind of an extreme diet." In May I proved myself wrong and went 24 days without eating any food that wasn't Paleo. I've been working on maintaining that lifestyle since. Seriously though, I just ate Chicken and Brussels Sprouts dinner... and liked it!

Don't get me wrong... I still cry cuz I'm a freaking baby. This is at a normal place though. It's not painful crying. It's frustrated, happy, proud, and angry crying, but not overwhelming internal pain type crying.

I literally NEVER dreamed that I would EVER be in this place. I never thought my life would fall together here. I was planning to count my days until I could move. I never thought I'd be so freakin' strong and healthy, or even love it as much as I do. Seriously, I just did 195# dead lifts in a work out, because I can. I feel amazing. I'm starting my masters. And I honestly can't imagine being anywhere else in my life at this point. I will often say "Crossfit changed my life", and I think that to an extent it did. More importantly I changed my own life. I saw the hole I was in, and I fought to get out. I have worked freakin' hard this year to be in a better place, and here I am. 

And in closing... Big thanks to all my friends and family who have helped me along this journey. Those in Twin and those who aren't in Twin. I really have had good people by my side the whole way, even if I didn't always acknowledge it. 

CrossFit is More

Let me start out with mentioning that I have had a pretty rough few weeks at work. I've been told several times that I don't know how to do my job, threatened with a lawyer, and basically been made to feel guilty over things that are out of my control. Granted, this is from no one who really matters. My boss is my biggest supporter. I even have the two highest ups on the "food chain" backing me regarding all the decisions I've made. I know that my job is in no way in jeopardy. I know that I've made decisions that are not only necessary for the betterment of my clients but reflective of our beliefs and policies as an agency. BUT it still sucks. I like to be liked. I'm not going to lie. I don't like when people dislike me. I don't. I'm not sure who does. It sucks being told that you're doing things wrong. It sucks when your judgement is called into question because of your age or how long you've been working the job. It sucks. It hurts. It's frustrating. It's angering. It's maddening. It's ... Well... You get the picture.

During all of this I really am thankful for CrossFit for a few reasons...

1. I've been eating better, because eating good gives me a sense of control. My work days have seemed pretty out of control, but I can control what I put in my body. It helps me feel rooted, balanced, like I'm not going to explode and fly away.

2. Exercise is said to be as powerful as an anti-depressant. If this is true then CrossFit is like a straight up Xanax. (That's the super powerful one, right?)

BUT it's more than just those things, because I really believe that there's more to CrossFit then just exercise and eating right. Well, there is for me anyways.

3. CrossFit is the opportunity for success when I'm feeling like a failure. It's proving to myself that I can make progress, and hard work pays off.

4. CrossFit is a place where I know I'll be supported and encouraged. Not going to lie, some days you just need your friends to count your reps and push you. It also feels dang good when people notice your accomplishments, and their compliments are genuine. (Seriously, complements on my snatch make me feel way better about myself then complements about eyes. I worked for that snatch, my eyes are just a gift from God. :) Haha... but seriously. I work hard everyday and it's nice to hear people notice.)

5. CrossFit is a place for laughs. I know that I'm bound to laugh at some point. I know that I'm going to see the smiling faces of my friends. I know that we're going to suffer together and celebrate together.

6. CrossFit is where people see you at your WORST and still are glad to see you day after day! Seriously, I have probably shed more tears at the box then in my room in the last 6 months. I have sweat more in front of those people then in front of anyone ever. I have been frustrated, angry, disappointed, etc. They still love me. Or at least pretend, so that's good enough for me. :)

7. CrossFit is a place that I can  be myself. Fully and completely.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that CrossFit is the time I get every day (except Thursday and Sunday rest days) that helps me to feel grounded. That allows me to rebuild my crushed confidence. That reminds me that there are good people in the world. CrossFit helps me survive. I know it sounds extreme, but it's true. I really believe that everyone needs their outlet. Especially those who in jobs like mine.

With that said, big shout out to my CrossFit friends who manage to make nearly every day at the box a refreshing and renewing experience. It's like you give me daily hugs, except not really. That's OK though, because we're all usually pretty sweaty... and well no need for things to get weird. :)