30 Years!!!

So, my parents have been married for 30 YEARS!!! Yup!!! THIRTY!!! Crazy, huh??? In honor of them here are 30 things my parents have taught me about life, marriage, and kids. I hope that I can teach my kids the same lessons some day. Also, remember what you tell your kids makes an impact. I'm sure my parents may not even remember telling me some of these things, but said them... because they're awesome!

1. To avoid divorce, you don't get divorced. Which is almost a direct quote from my mom. One time I asked her how to avoid divorce and she said, "You just don't get divorced." You may not like your spouse everyday. There may be days... maybe weeks... that you don't even want to see their face. However, you stick it out through those times. &&& It turns out it is worth the beautiful times to come.

2. Have fun before kids. We'll get to the "after kids" section in a minute, BUT get your fun out first. My parents were married for 5 years before they had me. My mom said that when they got married people asked when they baby was coming, and she said "In 5 years." Guess who was prego with yours truly exactly 5 years later. In the mean time, they learned to be married and they had fun! From the stories it sounds like they had some pretty good times. I'm sure I only know the half of it, but I know those are fond memories for my parents.

3. When you have kids they are your one and only priority. Ok, that may sound extreme, but it's true. My parents provided everything Jesse and I could ever need and most of everything we wanted. They sacrificed for us more than I think I'll ever know. Seriously, my dad has commuted to the Wood River Valley nearly every day for almost 20 years, so we could grow up in Gooding. If that's not selfless I'm not sure what is.

4. Quality Time > Quantity Time. This kind of ties into number 3. Both of my parents worked most of my life; with the exception of those early years. I never knew any different, and I really don't think that either of us suffered. BECAUSE when my parents weren't working, they were with us. They didn't go out on the weekends. They didn't go hang out with friends and leave us with the babysitter. They were home. When they would need to do things we went or one stayed home with us and the other went. They were actively engaged with us in the process as well. We got plenty of quality time with our parents, and I think we're better  people for it.

5. Give. Yup, it's that simple. If people need your time, you give it. If people need help, you help. If people need money and you have it, you give it. My parents would give the shirt off their backs most days to most people. They've certainly been burned in the process, but they continue to give.

6. Different kids require different parenting. My parents will laugh at this one. Let me tell you how many screaming matches there may have included me saying, "BUT I DIDN'T GET THAT!" or "YOU NEVER LET ME DO THAT!" or "IF I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT!" or "THERE IS SUCH A DOUBLE STANDARD!" The list goes on. Now that I see the products of parents who aren't willing to adjust their parenting styles to their kid, I say, "BRAVO MOM AND DAD! BRAVO!" Because, Jesse and I may look a lot alike, but we're different. For that reason they had to parent us differently.

7. Some rules, you just don't let your kids break. In retrospect, my parents were a lot less strict then I thought they were. I think I was probably more strict with myself then they would have been, but there were some things my parents just weren't down with. One of those things... Do not be late for curfew. Now, I was never late without a phone call. Jesse was late one time. ONE TIME. &&& Our family and his friends will never forget it. Because, when you're late for curfew in the Campa house, they don't wait until you come home... THEY FIND YO' ASS! Also, you don't shoot paintball guns when mom and dad leave you home alone. And no boys in your room. (Don't you fret, I never tested that one, cuz I'm pretty sure Papa Campa would have found his ass too.) There were a lot of other rules we broke and got away with and a lot of week long groundings that lasted 2 days. But, there were some rules we just didn't break.

8. It doesn't matter what "everyone else is doing." I don't even know how often my dad said something along the lines of, "I don't give a shit who's going, you're not." Now, there were times that I didn't get to go places or do things, and nothing bad would have happened if I did. Some of those times, however, legitimately weren't anything I needed to be doing. I got to do a lot of things, but my parents always made sure I was supervised and always made sure that they were appropriate. I certainly didn't get to just roam around town because I wanted to, and I think I avoided a lot of trouble that way. Also, my parents NEVER reinforced the high school mentality of "Everyone is doing, and if you don't do it your a loser." I think that effectively taught us to be independent people this way, and we were able to make good decisions in bad situations because of this.

9. Hard Work. My parents demonstrated excellent work ethic in their jobs, but they also taught us work ethic in our lives. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit basketball mid basketball season, and my dad never let me. Why? Because, if you start something you finish it. I could have quit before the season started, but once I stepped into practice for the first day I was committed for the season. It may sound trivial,and may parents just let their kids quite, because "Basketball should be fun." However, through that I learned, that sometimes things suck. Sometimes you don't want to do things, but you have to. For that reason, I learned to work. I have changed jobs throughout my life, but I've always had reasons besides "I don't like it". When I did change jobs I made sure that I wouldn't put myself in a bad financial situation or threw my keys and quit without thinking. &&& When I do work... I work hard. I get my shit done, and I get it done as efficiently as possible. As crazy as it may seem, I think that my dad forcing me to play basketball really impacted me in that way. (PS: I always loved basketball sometimes I just would get frustrated because I was not as talented as I would have liked to be. I think he probably also knew that, and didn't want me to give up something I loved.)

10. Support your kids no matter what. I think that this became especially evident when my brother and I were in our college years. I mean, what parent in their right mind supports their daughter through 2 transfers and 7 degree changes? They never once discouraged me, but encouraged me to do what it took to figure out where I was going. And what parents support their son to get a golf degree? Not many, but my parents did. They saw Jesse's potential, and have helped him to achieve it. Obviously, they were supportive in our younger years, too. We never missed a  sports practice, a dance class, or an activity we wanted to participate in. My parents would take time out of work to make sure we got where we needed to go AND they would come cheer us on at just about every game and activity. I can't even count how many times they came to my basketball games, and watched me sit the bench. If that's not supportive, I'm not sure what is.

11. Marriage requires dependence on each other. I feel like we're entering an age where everyone wants to be independent. I think that there is benefits of being independent. Have you seen me? I'm very proud of my independence. At the same time, marriage is about being dependent on each other. It's about being dependable. It's about being their when your spouse needs you. It's about being able to rely on your spouse when you need them. They are the one person in the world has committed to having your back for life, and you become dependent. I think think it's a beautiful things when two people truly become one. Sure, you have your individuality in some ways, but when people ask who's coming to dinner they don't ask "Is Bobbie coming?" They ask, "Are Bobbie and Jesse coming." Also, my mom can't sleep well without my dad snoring beside her, which I think is kind of precious. Weird. But precious.

12. People are people. Honestly, my parents are some of the most liberal people I know. Which cracks me up. They do not judge people based on what they look like, who they love, what they do, how much money they make, etc. They genuinely judge people based on their character. They realize, and taught us, that everyone you meet is either a good person or their not, and you can't judge a book by it's cover. A clean cut dude can be a piece of shit and a dude covered in tattoos may be the best person you've ever met. You never know, so be kind to people and judge them based on who they really are and no who you assume they are.

13. Don't assume. I learned this as a young age with a pissed off Papa Campa. Listen, my dad hardly ever gets mad... but one time I made him mad because I assumed a few things and ran my mouth and someone got in trouble and... woops. I was young. Like real young. Like maybe 8 or so??? I remember him saying, "Do you know what 'assuming does?'" I said, "No..." Papa Campa, "It makes and ass out of you and me!" Welp, I have never forgotten that. I have tried really hard not to assume since that day. And clearly, it's solid advice.

14. We're well nurtured, not spoiled. Ok, Ok... We're probably a little spoiled. BUT my parents have taught us to be grateful. To appreciate what we have. To be thankful for what we're given. We were also taught to be respectful to others, and have manners. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're spoiled, but we're not rotten. &&& for that I'm very grateful.

15. Laughter. My parents taught us how to joke, and how to laugh. Especially now that we're older we all have so much fun together!

16. Drinking is OK in moderation. Growing up my parents didn't do a lot of drinking. I don't remember having alcohol in the house until we got older. They taught us that drinking is OK, but should not be required to have fun or to function on a daily basis.

17. Grown children are still children. I know that my parents have gone above and beyond for us. They have dropped everything to go to Boise or even to Walla Walla. Sometimes for seemingly minor things, sometimes for big things. I know to some that seems odd. I know many parents that cut their kids off at 18. Not my parents. I think that I have been a lot more successful in my adult life, because of their support. I can take risks, and know that I have someone to fall back on. I know that no matter what I have someone to depend on.

18. Care for those you love. My parents drop pretty much everything to care for those they love. Especially their kids. I was 20 years old and getting my gallbladder out. My mom came up to Boise to take care of me prior to surgery. Both of my parents were there for my surgery. They skipped work and life to take care of me. My mom has taken care of countless people over the years. It's tiring. It's emotionally taxing. It's absolutely worth it and I believe it's a beautiful thing to care for those you love.

19. Confidence. My parents instilled confidence in us. I'm not sure how they did it... I do know that my parents never degraded us, who we are, what we looked like, or what we did. As long as we weren't breaking laws and were making good choices; we got to be our people. To discover our selves. They supported us all along these journeys. I believe that this instilled a lot of confidence in ourselves and decisions.

20. Use your voice. My parents taught us to use our voices. To stand up for ourselves when we need to. Being passive is not productive, and only ends up in pain. This applies to all aspects of life. Communication is key.

21. Buying presents is fun! Ok, so my parents really enjoy buying presents. It takes massive self control for them not to go nuts. We've discussed this. I love giving presents. I LOVE IT! There's nothing more fun then buying the perfect gift for someone, and watching their eyes light up!

22. How to take care of myself. I HATED cleaning the house. I HATED it. Mom and I had several screaming fights over it. I AM SO GLAD MY PARENTS PUSHED ME! I am so glad I can clean. I'm so glad I can cook. I'm so glad I can mow my lawn. I'm so glad that I know these things. I certainly don't take this for granted.

23. Protect your family, fiercely. We've talked about how family is important, but it goes beyond that. My parents have shown us that it's important to protect your kids and your family fiercely. I know that if anyone wronged me in a bad way, my parents and brother would be all over it. I know if someone wronged my brother, I would probably go crazy fast. These are genuinely the most important people in my life, and you protect things that important to you.

24. Things are just things and money is just money. My parents are not materialistic. We have things, yes. We were given things, yes. If my parents had to give it all up for the betterment of their family they would, and and one point they kind of did. I've wrecked cars... My parents reinforced that cars are replaceable. You won't hear my parents talk about how much something costs. You won't hear them asking for people to ever pay them back. In fact, you probably would have to fight them to pay them back. Money is just a thing. As long as we can eat, have a roof over our heads, and we have our family... Life is Good!

25. If you're going to do it, do it well. My parents have never let us settle for "OK". They always knew our potential, and expected it. They also demonstrated this throughout our lives. When they approach a project it ends well, so well.

26. Don't rush into things. Especially not relationships! My parents NEVER encouraged relationships when we were younger. They never said no, but they also never said, "Bring Billy to Thanksgiving!" I think that this is an EXCELLENT way to approach teenager and relationships. I can't count how many of my friends would have a hard time breaking up with high school boyfriends, because they knew families so well. HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIENDS! How silly that there was so much pressure on such young kids. My parents never did that. They wanted us to live our lives, and here we are! They also never pressure me to have kids. Thank goodness. They love my puppies more than I do I think.

27. Early bird gets the worm. I secretly hate that they taught me this, and it's true. Ha! My parents are the people who are at the stores when they open. I kind of didn't like that very much for a period of time. Now, I try to go grocery shopping as early as possible to avoid the crowd. Costco opens at 10 AM. I'll be there. PLUS, then you get to take afternoon naps, because all your shopping gets done early.

28. How to drive a stick shift. Seriously, I did not want to ever drive a stick shift. Ever. But they made me. And thank goodness! I loved driving my stick shift cars! AND it's nice to know that if there's ever a situation where I need to drive someone else's car, I will be able to do it!

29. PRAY! My family may not be what some consider to be an extremely "religious family", but I was certainly raised believing in God. We were taught to pray and believe. My parents pray and believe. It has certainly impacted my life for the better.

30. Family time is important. We ate most dinners as a family, around the table growing up. We still eat meals together when I go home. Extended family parties are important. Family is important and spending time together is essential.