Lonely

I imagined writing a post tonight, about being healthy while traveling... But I think there are far more important things for me to process. 

First, you should know that in feeling very refreshed right now. Good dinner with good friends will do that for you. It may also cause you to think. Think about life. Who I am. My struggles. My past. My future. 

For the past few months I've been struggling a little. Few know this, because I have a difficult time discussing my struggles. I also think that I've been taking on too many other people's problems (go figure) and have not felt comfortable sharing my own. Everyone else has enough problems, they don't need mine. BUT don't worry I'll still attempt to help everyone else. I'm kind of a dumb dumb... I know that I can't handle everyone's problems, but I feel like it's expected of me so I try... Then I begin to isolate. I feel so guilty when I can't help that I avoid the situation all together. 

Ironically, one of my biggest issues is that I feel so lonely. I know this sounds bizzare, I'm surrounded by people all day! I have great friends! How can I feel lonely? Yet, I do... I just am lonely, and it just sucks. I'm having a difficult time connecting to others. And it sucks. I really realized this when my parents we're gone over Memorial Day weekend. I quickly realized that the main person I talk to is my mom. Without my mom I have no one to talk to when I get home. I love my mom, but that's a shitty realization... 

I know I have friends, but I also know they have other priorities. Other schedules. Other things going on. I am alone in my stage in life, and I feel like few understand... 

I know that this is probably just a season, and I just need to wait it out. I'm getting a new Roomie soon so that should help. BUT idk that it will help me feel less alone. 

I don't know how to solve this problem. But it exists. And makes me sad. 

I blame a lot of it on Twin, but I'm not sure if that's the real issue. I do know that in Boise it's less rare to find someone 25, single, good job, has a house and a car, etc. In Twin that is rare. I am single without kids. I'm the minority. I'm excluded even when it's not intentional. It's crappy, and I'm over it.... 

:(