The Week I Almost Lost My Shit

This week was rough. Just plain rough.

Let me tell you a little something about "vicarious trauma" or "secondary trauma."

It sucks.

The basic idea is that when you are told about traumatizing experiences, the amount of empathy you feel causes you to also be traumatized.

I've known about this for a long time. I never doubted that it was real. I've experienced mild bouts with it. Usually I am angry for a few hours then force myself to move on.

This was different.

I can't give specifics, but I can say that I cried.

I cried for days.

I had to journal about the situation for school, and I cried.

I would think about the situation, and I would cry.

Then I got pissed at myself for crying.

So I became angry.

So angry.

At everything.

Eventually all the emotion in combination with my lack of sleep and own stress, kicked my ass.

I literally was overwhelmed by emotions.

There was no room for my emotions because I felt like I was feeling the emotions for everyone else.

So I cried.

In the bathroom at work.

Not even kidding.

After talking with one of my supervisors (I have 3 currently, ha!) I was able to identify what was going on. Then I was able to address it.

So, with extra sleep, extra "me" time, and purposefully working through the trauma...

I feel better!

I'm back to my peppy, happy, crazy, and funny self. I feel normal again.

I'm sorry for being so negative for a week, but if I do that again tell me to go to bed and take care of myself. It will be worse while I continue with this schedule, but hopefully I'll be better able to cope after this internship wraps up. I'll have more time for sleep at least.

Thanks for still being my friends. I'm so very lucky.