Since Marriage is a Religious Institution.

Since marriage is a religious institution and people have certainly made their point lately that it should stay that way and everything related to marriage should be based on what the Bible says about marriage, then I think that we need to make sure that we really apply this theory to ALL aspects of marriage. Since, we’re all so good at not sinning and all.

Since marriage is a religious institution and divorce is not condoned in the Bible, THEN I think divorce should be illegal. &&& I think that everyone who has been divorced can be fired from their jobs or refused to be served based on their divorce status.

Since marriage is a religious institution and pre-marital sex is not condoned by the Bible, THEN I think that anyone who has had pre-marital sex should not be allowed to be married. &&& Anyone who has had pre-marital sex can be fired from their jobs or refused to be served based on the fact that their all whores.

I really think we need to follow through with these things!

Divorces create so much hate and animosity in the world! Kids’ lives are destroyed by divorce every day. Many kids don’t know how to handle it, and many parents don’t know how to handle a divorce appropriately for their kids. There’s a reason he Bible says that it’s not acceptable, because it really negatively affects people. We cannot let this happen! If you choose the wrong person to marry then I guess you should have been smarter! Not our problem. A commitment is a commitment!  

People who have had sex outside of wedlock shouldn’t be able to be married, because obviously they have shown that they can’t remain faithful to one person. Also, if they have a kid out of wedlock they probably could have messed that kid up good! There is a good chance that they’ll end up divorced, so we should definitely not allow them to get married! We just can’t take that risk!

Oh, am I out of line? I forgot you get to decide what a sin is and what isn’t. That’s in the Bible right? “My people get to decide which sins we punish worse, and they should tell the whole world when their sinning. That’s how you love each other and ensure that people feel loved.” I’d put the reference in here, but I’ve searched and searched and can’t find that verse!

It’s none of my business if you had sex before your married or if you got divorced??? It doesn’t affect me, so I shouldn’t care??? Weird… Very Weird… Tell me again how gay marriage has ruined your life???

Oh, that’s right! Everyone should believe exactly like you do! And shoving your opinion down their throats will ensure that happens!

…. I’m sure you sense my sarcasm, but I’m not kidding. I’m so sick and tired of reading all this shit about gay marriage this and gay marriage that. Ban on gay marriage has already been deemed unconstitutional in several states, the precedence is set, the fight is over. If your goal is to “change them” or help them see that they are “sinning” you’re failing. What their hearing is “we hate things we don’t understand” or “my belief is more important than yours” or “your feelings are not valid but mine are.”

Think about the message your sending, because it’s not good one. The only people agreeing with you are equally as close minded. You’re not bringing anyone to the dark side. Stop! Just Stop! You're not only hurting yourself, but you're also giving people a reason to hate God. You may not know it. Didn't Sunday School teach you that you may be the only version of Jesus that anyone ever sees? Are you reflecting what he would reflect? Really? Cuz I don't think you are...

You’re the reason I don’t like to classify myself as Christian, because I don’t want to be associated with people like you. God told me to love, and that’s what I do. I’m usually so busy loving I don’t have time to shove my opinion down other people’s throats or judge people. Except you, you have been so in your face that I have taken the time to judge you. Perhaps I shouldn't get married because I just sinned. #truth


Sorry, I'm really not sorry.

Now stop posting all your bullshit so people can see my Crossfit Posts! Duh!

I Am Beautiful.

I don't believe there should be a standard for women. I think it's bull shit. 

{Skinny. Thick. More to Love. Strong. Homemaker. Career Woman. Working Mom. Blonde. Brunette. Make Up. No Make Up. Sweats. Heels. Boobs. Flat Chested. Long Legs. Short Legs. Big Butt. Little Butt. Belly. No Belly. Stretch Marks. Smooth Skin. Pimples. Long Lashes. Short Lashes. Short Shorts. Bermuda Shorts. Book Smart. Street Smart. Ditsy. Proper. Short Hair. Long Hair. Dreads. Single. Married. Crazy Cat Lady. Weight Lifter. Cardio Queen. Independent.}

All are BEAUTIFUL as far as I'm concerned. 

Yet there are messages that society sends... 

Be Skinnier. 

Be Prettier. 

Or Don't Change a Thing About Yourself. You're Perfect!

There's nothing wrong with being skinny, nothing wrong with being pretty, and nothing wrong with being happy with yourself... BUT aren't there more options? Shouldn't there more options? It's a great big world... I want options. 

Quite frankly I don't really want to fall into any of those categories. 

Losing fat is cool, but it's a nice side affect of gaining muscle. I would rather wear the same size clothes and be able to clean 200 pounds than fit into a size 6. 

Being pretty is nice, but if I don't have time to put on makeup I won't. Some days I go to the store in my sweats, because I can. I have no shame in this. I don't feel the need to always try to be pretty. I think God made me pretty fantastically, and many days that's good enough for me. 

I am pretty amazing, but I want to be better. I can always improve. I can always be better. I don't want to stop and just be content with where I am. It's just not what I want to do. 

Now choosing to chase after these things isn't wrong BUT I want more. I don't want to be put in a box. I don't want to be told what is beautiful. I am beautiful just the way I am. 

I have a dream that someday girls will be able to be proud for who they are and what they want to be. I hope that they will be able to dream of being a homemaker without people thinking their settling. That they can go to college and chase a career and maybe even have kids in the process without people thinking they're less of a mother. That girls can get a hair cut without thinking about what everyone is going to say. That women can have strong bodies without being thought of as manly. That we can all be ourselves and still be beautiful. 

I hate to say it, but I don't think we're there yet. I don't think that women have the freedom to be themselves or to chase who they want to be. And GOD FORBID they be proud of who they are, and don't hide themselves in shame.

Unfortunately, I think that we suppress ourselves more than men suppress us. Whens the last time you thought/said, "Gosh, I hope I never look like that!" or "Ummm, she needs new hair." or "Someone forgot makeup." or "She gave up everything, and is just a mom." or "Her poor kids, I can't believe she works so much." 

Tomorrow, I challenge you ladies to compliment someone on who they are. Tell someone you like their funky hair that fits them so well. Compliment a woman who has been working hard to diet for sticking to their goals and achieving them. Tell someone how proud you are that they can work and maintain a family. Compliment someone on their dead lift. Tell someone how pretty they are while they're wearing sweats. Compliment someone on their beautiful family that they dedicate their lives too. Tell someone you're proud of them for not settling for less, because they deserve more. 

Just tell someone their beautiful, for no other reason then because they are who they are. Their choices may be different. Their path may be different. Their outlook may be completely opposite to yours. It's their life though, and they are living it the way they want. &&& Someday your daughters and their daughters will have more freedom to live life the way they choose without judgement. 

Oh how beautiful the world would be if we all recognized that everyone is truly BEAUTIFUL.

So Many Dishes

Sometimes I have these days where I just need to write. It's so weird to me. My parents have always been amazed by my writing, but it really is becoming more and more of an outlet for me. I guess now that I'm older and wiser I realize that I shouldn't be ashamed to enjoy something a little nerdy. Plus, I like glimpsing into my past and seeing how far I've come. 

I just read this blog that I wrote in September 2012. It was just before moving to my parents house then to Twin, and it was also about the time I hit a season of pretty intense depression. I remember so vividly those feelings I teared up a little while I was reading it. It is INSANE to me how much life has changed in just about a year and a half. 

It's also crazy how somethings remain the same. I wrote, 

"So, there's all this and then there's that lonely feeling... Seriously the things I'm doing right now people don't usually do when they're 23 and single. My friends and family who are my age and have bought houses have all done it with husbands and such. My friends who who aren't married, are much smarter than me and haven't jumped into the "grown up" life as quickly as I have. And, while I have nothing against either group and I think they all bring their own assistance and guidance in my life, I really feel like no one really gets it."

This intense feeling of loneliness really clung to me for a while. I can honestly say that I am not lonely anymore. I have amazing friends and a fantastic support system here. I mean really it's great! &&& I am completely happy being single until the right dude comes along... but some days I feel a little impatient. I know I'm not alone in this, because I have a friend who has similar feelings. I also think they're natural feelings. I don't think it's bad to have these feelings as long as I don't settle for someone because I feel this way. It just is what it is. 

It does get lonely though. Some days it'd be nice to have someone to do dishes with me. Or to fight over which Netflix show we're going to watch. Or someone to take the dogs out. Or someone to cook dinner for. Or really just someone to inhabit the house besides me so I don't find myself talking to my dogs so much. Don't get me wrong... I know that there is MUCH more to a relationship but it's always the little things that have me feelin' like I'm missing out.

&&& Then there's the fact that I'm an old soul and unique which always has me wonderin' if I'll be 40 and not married. Not that, that would be the end of the world BUT certainly not what I dream for my life. 

This certainly isn't a cry for help. I just need to get this out! I promise you won't see me dating some random dude I find at on the corner tomorrow. I promise I won't settle for anything less than what I am worth. I also promise that if you take this as a cue to start setting me up with random people I will be highly annoyed. [Don't get me wrong, setting people up is cool but it is also an art form. I can't tell you how many times people have said, "You should go out with my friend Bob." Then they start describing Bob and the only thing we have in common is that we have brown hair. That's not an acceptable set up.] If you're prince charming feel free to take this as a hint to get your shit together. Cuz I have a lot of dishes to do and these dogs are driving me crazy!!! :)

In the words of my funny friend, "Believe it or not, not dying alone is also a priority. Just not one I shout out from the top of a mountain." 

YOU are Better.

I bring this up, because I'm reading this book that I CANNOT get enough of! The book is all about letting things go and moving on. It's called "The Single Woman's Sassy Survival Guide to Letting Go & Moving On" by Mandy Hale. NOW, it's not all about single people things. It has really good insight in to letting go and moving on from jobs, friendships, relationships, opportunities, and grievances. Letting go and moving on from things is something that I have really struggled with in the past. I have since gotten much better at it, but I wish I would have found this book years ago! 

The fact is that who you associate with affects who you are and what you do. 

Here's an example I see all the time. Billy keeps hanging out with Frank and Tom. Frank and Tom use drugs, and so does Billy. Billy gets help and works really hard to get clean and start a new life. Billy, however, doesn't understand why he can't hang out with Frank and Tom anymore (something that we enforce is that kids cannot hang out with old acquaintances). Billy is stronger now. He knows how to stay away from drugs, and Frank and Tom are his friends. Billy decides that he can hang out with Frank and Tom, and use his skills to not use drugs while he's with them. Within a month Billy is using drugs again. Why? Because you really are only as good as the people you surround yourself with.

Granted, that seems extreme... BUT it's true! There have been many times in my life where I have noticed that I have started to develop into someone I don't really like, and then I quickly realize it's because of the people I'm surrounding myself with. 

It works in reverse also. If you surround yourself with positive people, you will become more like them. To be honest I think that surrounding myself with friends who are kind, supportive, and who believe in being healthy, has been the single best move I've made towards bettering myself and being healthier. They aren't afraid to say "Whoa Stefani, you've gotten a little carried away with the sugar lately, and now you're a bear." They also get just as excited as I do when I succeed. I look to them for guidance and support and try to dot he same for them. I really think that I would not have made nearly as much progress without them.

Not that I exclude people from my life who aren't supportive or who don't have the same mindset, but it just makes life a whole lot easier that I have them in my life! &&& I have noticed that I am gravitating more towards fun, nice people who make healthy life choices, because that is who I want to be!  

Anyways, what I guess I'm trying to say is that the people you surround yourself with can hurt you or help you. If they're hurting you then MOVE ON! YOU deserve better. &&& If you need to know how to do that read this super fantastic book! 

&&& Don't be afraid to let go! I've let go of a few things/people in my life, and while I wish them the best I know that I am better off for it!

Love

Valentine's Day is coming!!! You know what that means???

A bunch of people are going to start bitching about being single and about how it's a "Hallmark Holiday".

The party poopers of the holiday will be saying things like, "I don't need Hallmark to tell me when I should profess my love." or "Hallmark just created this holiday to make money, I ain't buyin' into it." or "I'm a big grumpy, negative, angry, bitter bitch/asshole who likes to whine about things." Well... that last one may not be a direct quote. That's what I hear though.

I know what you're thinking... Stefani... you are single again for the 25th Valentine in a row! You should be the bitterest of them all...

Nope, Nope, Nope! I've been there and done the bitter thing. And then I realized... I'm being a big grumpy, negative, angry, bitter bitch. &&& Ain't nobody got time for that shit.

So, here's why I'm not even sad about Valentine's Day.

1. Someday... Hopefully before I die... I'll have a Valentine, and when that happens it will be fabulous. Well it better be fabulous... Y'all should give him the heads up that I'm expecting fabulous. That being said, why should I rain on the parade of all the love birds in my life? They're happy and in love, and they want to celebrate! We should all celebrate love and happiness! Even if it isn't our own!

2. I have A LOT of people (and 2 chihuahuas) who I love and who love me! That's something to celebrate! I may not be in love but there's lots of love in my life!

3. Normally, I'd also be excited about the half price candy. Now, that isn't the case this year as I'm currently doing a 24 Day Challenge... BUT... No reason you people can't go get some yummy chocolate!

4. I get to hang out with a few of my favorite people! It's going to be WiLd!!! (Well, kinda... please note 24 Day Challenge mention).

5. I like pink and EVERYTHING is pink (and red). So, I can totes go find just about anything I need in the color pink. It's kinda awesome.

Now, you all should go tell someone you love them and have a fabulous week! Remember what you have have, don't fret over what you don't have!

&&& In case you need a laugh or two...

Do you know?

Just in case you are living under a rock, you should read this. It's all about Rachel, the lady who won The Biggest Loser. 

It seems EVERYONE has an opinion on this, so I thought I'd throw in my two cents. Because I can. 

I'm going to be 100% honest with you right now. Her starting weight, and my starting weight are the same. I am about 4 inches taller than her, however. Still though... I feel like we have a lot in common! I feel bad for her. I'm not even going to lie. I think that people are being harsh and cruel. I don't know her whole story, but before you judge her think about a few things... 

Do you know what it is like to be overweight? Really overweight? Have you had to shop in plus size clothes sections? Have you ever not wanted to go shopping with your friends or gone shopping with your friends and only got earrings, because you couldn't shop in the same stores as them? Do you know what it's like to spend your entire life having to shop in different stores than everyone else? Have you ever continued to put on weight even though you weren't eating any differently than any of your friends? Have you ever really had these experiences? Has every doctor in your life reminded you that you need to lose weight? And made sure you knew how to do that? have you ever had your BMI read out at obese? Have you ever had your body fat percentage hover around 50%? Have you ever tried to lose weight? Have you ever been so overwhelmed by possibilities, and nothing works? Have you tried diet pills, Weight Watchers, LA Weightloss, and been hyper aware of "portion control" all before you were 18? Have you continued to try everything possible to lose weight? Have you ever seen progress in weight loss just to gain it all back? Have you been SO desperate to lose weight that you were willing to do just about anything? 

If you can relate some/all of these, then you know how absolutely terrible being over weight can be. How hard it is to lose weight, and how discouraging. If you can't relate, then you don't know. You may be able to sympathize or try to understand, but you probably don't REALLY get it. You don't REALLY get it until you have lived it. 

That being said. I think that everyone needs to keep their judgments about her to yourselves. She may have over done it, but that's really none of your business. She may be underweight, but is it worse than being overweight? I'm no doctor, but my guess is that the risks may be tit for tat. Is her weight harming you in anyway? Nope. 

Accusing someone of having an eating disorder is a terrible assumption and accusation. What a terrible today must be for her! She was on top of the world, and now everyone has an opinion. I hope she ignores everyone. I hope that she continues to be healthy. I hope that she realizes that health is a journey, and that she continues to seek the healthiest choices she can. I hope that she maintains a healthy body that makes her happy. 

She and I may have different fitness goals, but we started from the same place. I would be crushed if I got to a point where I was so proud of myself and felt good just to have everyone else remind me that I still didn't fit into their box of ideal. 

That being said, she's not the only one in the world who has been criticized this way. Health, weight, and body image is highly personal. Perhaps we should allow it to be personal, support appropriately, and only give suggestions when asked. 

Closer to Epic

So think about this for a second…

Every romantic relationship in your life will fail except for one, if you’re lucky.

Seriously though, every relationship will fail except for a successful marriage… or a successful second marriage… or a successful third marriage… or… if you’re working on marriage #4 you should probably look inward to work on some things before you do that. Just sayin’.

There are a few exceptions…

1.       If you are in a romantic relationship and your significant other passes away. That’s not a failure, that is a terribly sad tragedy.

2.       If you are a polygamist. If you are a polygamist… this blog really may not be your thing. Just sayin’. ALTHOUGH, I do love watching Sister Wives, and I find it fascinating. So maybe you should stick around because I have like 18 billion questions for you!

Assuming none of you fall into those two categories… All but one of your romantic relationships will fail.

Now, I’m not really sure what successful relationship feels like. I’ve seen them. They’re beautiful. However, I’m pretty sure Mr. Right could be standing right in front of me with a sign on his head that says, “IT’S ME! I’M HERE!” &&& I’d be like… Huh… What am I going to have for dinner??? (Note: It would really be obvious if he was standing in front of me, because he’d have to be standing on my desk between me and my computer screen. Yes, I’m still pretty sure I’d miss it.)

I am getting fairly decent at spotting the WRONG ONE though. Those bastards definitely don’t have a sign on their head… Ass Holes… But if one or all of the following apply… It may be time to reevaluate. Why? Because I think it’s better to pull the Band-Aid off quick than to drag out something that will never work. I mean seriously. Do you really want to waste precious single time on Mr. Wrong? I sure don’t! I ain’t got time for that business. Also, I’m fairly certain that all of these are tried and true. Just to make sure I went ahead and tested all of them a few times. You don’t want to be the test dummy cuz it sucks. So listen up!

1.       You can’t be 100% yourself around the person without being afraid you’ll scare them away! Seriously, when you’re single you get advice like this. “Well, maybe you should just be… you know… a little less you. Just until he really likes you, then you can be the real you.” The problem? UMMMM HELLO!!! If this is going to be your ONE successful relationship, don’t you think that this special person is going to need to like the REAL you? I think so. He’s going to have to appreciate my loud, blunt, foul mouthed, forward, crocheting, liberal, Chihuahua loving, CrossFit adoring, emotional, passionate, dreaming, dorky, old lady self. Just is what it is.

2.       Life is more stressful with them in it (especially in the beginning). I’m no dumb-dumb. I know that relationships aren’t all rainbows and butterflies. Not even the successful ones. BUT if the first few months are stressful, filled with mind games and frustrations, and just plain stressful… THINGS ARE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO GET BETTER. It will just get more stressful. You have to have some kind of foundation… right?

3.       He doesn’t Crossfit. Ok… Ok… maybe not Crossfit in particular, but I have never really had much in common with anyone I’ve dated (if you can even call it that). I mean obviously we were all awesome (taking into account that I could find positive traits in a serial murder)… BUT really nothing in common. No common thread. It seems to me that the couples that are happiest like doing similar things, and I really like Crossfit. It would seem to me that finding someone who at least digs having a healthy lifestyle, eating well, and lifting heavy things is probably more necessary than I’d like to think it is. Either that, or they have to like crocheting. BUT if the only thing you have in common is that you’re cool in your own way… it may not work.

4.       If they’re an asshole. Don’t even give me this shit about… BUT he’s nice to me! An asshole is an asshole is an asshole. If you can’t bring him around your friends or family, because you know that he’ll offend someone… MOVE ON! And if he’s an asshole to everyone else… EVENTUALLY… he’ll probably be an asshole to you too.

5.       If they consistently make you feel like less than you are. You’re awesome. Obviously, or you wouldn’t be reading this. Only awesome people would keep reading my rambling for this long. Know you’re awesome. Embrace your awesomeness. And kick anyone who tells you or makes you feel less than awesome to the curb. Cuz you ain’t got time for that.

Yay for you if you’re still reading!

I expect to see a series of ended relationships on Facebook in the near future. Just kidding (no I’m not).

Listen though, don’t waste your time on people that are no good for you. We all deserve happiness, and there’s no shame if your happiness comes later than other people’s. I have this theory that the longer you wait the more epic your love story will be!

Getting closer to epic everyday!