Sometimes I have these days where I just need to write. It's so weird to me. My parents have always been amazed by my writing, but it really is becoming more and more of an outlet for me. I guess now that I'm older and wiser I realize that I shouldn't be ashamed to enjoy something a little nerdy. Plus, I like glimpsing into my past and seeing how far I've come.
I just read this blog that I wrote in September 2012. It was just before moving to my parents house then to Twin, and it was also about the time I hit a season of pretty intense depression. I remember so vividly those feelings I teared up a little while I was reading it. It is INSANE to me how much life has changed in just about a year and a half.
It's also crazy how somethings remain the same. I wrote,
"So, there's all this and then there's that lonely feeling... Seriously the things I'm doing right now people don't usually do when they're 23 and single. My friends and family who are my age and have bought houses have all done it with husbands and such. My friends who who aren't married, are much smarter than me and haven't jumped into the "grown up" life as quickly as I have. And, while I have nothing against either group and I think they all bring their own assistance and guidance in my life, I really feel like no one really gets it."
This intense feeling of loneliness really clung to me for a while. I can honestly say that I am not lonely anymore. I have amazing friends and a fantastic support system here. I mean really it's great! &&& I am completely happy being single until the right dude comes along... but some days I feel a little impatient. I know I'm not alone in this, because I have a friend who has similar feelings. I also think they're natural feelings. I don't think it's bad to have these feelings as long as I don't settle for someone because I feel this way. It just is what it is.
It does get lonely though. Some days it'd be nice to have someone to do dishes with me. Or to fight over which Netflix show we're going to watch. Or someone to take the dogs out. Or someone to cook dinner for. Or really just someone to inhabit the house besides me so I don't find myself talking to my dogs so much. Don't get me wrong... I know that there is MUCH more to a relationship but it's always the little things that have me feelin' like I'm missing out.
&&& Then there's the fact that I'm an old soul and unique which always has me wonderin' if I'll be 40 and not married. Not that, that would be the end of the world BUT certainly not what I dream for my life.
This certainly isn't a cry for help. I just need to get this out! I promise you won't see me dating some random dude I find at on the corner tomorrow. I promise I won't settle for anything less than what I am worth. I also promise that if you take this as a cue to start setting me up with random people I will be highly annoyed. [Don't get me wrong, setting people up is cool but it is also an art form. I can't tell you how many times people have said, "You should go out with my friend Bob." Then they start describing Bob and the only thing we have in common is that we have brown hair. That's not an acceptable set up.] If you're prince charming feel free to take this as a hint to get your shit together. Cuz I have a lot of dishes to do and these dogs are driving me crazy!!! :)
In the words of my funny friend, "Believe it or not, not dying alone is also a priority. Just not one I shout out from the top of a mountain."
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