Soccer Ball

A few weeks ago I was talkin' to some other young, single ladies in the Tragic Valley. We were CRACKING up, because we're freaking funny AND because we all agree that the man scene around here SUCKS!!!

They had red a few previous blogs. Mainly this one. We were laughing, because the kinda men I had named were the kinda men they were finding.

Then we laughed, because our standards slowly deteriorate as time goes one. At one point I said "Sandra* your standards are so low I can kick them with a soccer ball!!!" (Name changed for the protection of single ladies who aren't blogging their lives, and thus ensuring their singlehood for life.)

I've been thinking about this a bit since then, and have decided I have a "Standards Cycle". Now, at work we talk a lot about "cycles". There are "cycles" kids get in for drug use, criminal behavior, and things of the sort. We talk about how they make the decision to make a mistake, how they react after, etc.

NOW this is not exactly what we make them do, nor have I worked half as hard on this as they do. I just feel like a "cycle" describes this best. So, ENJOY!

My Standard Cycle

*** It all begins with me movin' on from the flavor of the year. (Year, because that's about how often I find someone that I actually talk to for longer than a week. Ha!) ***

Day 1: Screw him! I want a man who has a good job. Has his life together. Is nice. Is fun. Loves his family. I want a man, not a boy. I want him to be confident, and hot. He NEEDS to be SMOKIN' hot! I mean I Crossfit with some hot ass men, and I don't want anything less. AND he must eat healthy and Crossfit, too!

Day 30: ***Man of potential interest located*** Wow, look at him! He has a good job, and his life together? He's nice, he's fun, loves is family, and damn if that's not a man I don't know what is! He's confident and SMOKIN' hot! And he eats healthy. He doesn't Crossfit, but he works out. He'll Crossfit by the time I"m done with him. Oh... wait... he's married??? Well, good for his wife!!! At least I know there are good men out there. I'm sure I'll find another one soon.

Day 60: ***Another man of potential interest located*** Oh, hey! He seems nice and fun! He has a good job and loves his family. I would consider him a man. He's not "smokin' hot" by definition, but he eats good and works out. I'm sure we can take care of that uni-brow pretty easily once I have him under my spell. He's not interested??? Hmmm... Must have some uni-brow lovin' lady on the line. It's cool. I couldn't be that lady for him.

Day 90: *** Yet another man of potential interest located. *** Hmmm... He's nice and fun. He has a good job. He seems to love his family. I think that the odd shape of his face probably has made him quite the man. That's a lot to overcome. He doesn't EXACTLY eat healthy or exercise regularly... We can work on it. Let's give it a go. Huh, he's not interested? Probably gay...

Month 4: ***Man in 100 foot radius*** Well he looks like a man. Ummm... He's funny and and loves his family. He has a steady job, even if it is only 20 hours a week at McDonalds. He's been working those same 20 hours for the last 10 years! That's dedication! For the rest of the week he sits on his butt and eats McDonalds... He doesn't smell too bad though.... Really??? He doesn't want me??? Because I don't look like Miley Cyrus??? Huh...

Month 6: ***Man within 100 yard radius*** Well, he must love his family, because he still lives with his parents. He says it's temporary though. Temporary for the last 10 years. He's just about ready to fly the coop though. His mom, you know, she just really loves him. He doesn't necessarily have a "job" but he helps his mom with the lawn and laundry. And man, does he clean some whites! He is fun though!

Month 8: ***Breathing Man*** He's breathing and interested! Nailed it! He's perfect!

DISCLAIMER::: I actually have known a few cool dudes in my life. And never has "breathing" been as bad as it sounds, but 99% of the time when things end I think "Uh... what was the point of that? We are so different that there was no chance that was going to last longer than a few months!" So, none of y'all flavors of the year go getting all butt hurt.