Funk-Be-Gone

Man Oh Man I have been in one nasty funk. Seriously. TERRIBLE!!! 

It was about a month of not caring much about anything. I didn't feel like being social. I didn't want to eat well. I didn't want to work out. I didn't really want to do much at all. 

I'm not sure what sparked it. I think it may have been a combination of work stress and burn out and contentment regarding working out. This is totally what I do. I go at something 200% and I burn myself out. I think that's what I did health wise. I ate and did CrossFit like it was my effing job. Well, maybe not that much, but freaking rocked it for a solid 3-4 months. It was a little too hardcore. A little too overwhelming. And it brought me to a point of contentment with my body. I am easily in the best shape that I've been in, well, EVER! Even in high school I wasn't this strong. Though I was smaller at one point. I have been liking my reflection in the mirror. I've been liking what I see, and I struggle to imagine any thing more. I can't imagine myself more fit. More in shape. I think that stunted me. I kind of felt like "I'm done!" And well work stress is kind of self explanatory. A necessary evil. 

I'm here to tell you though... THE FUNK IS GONE!!! I'm not sure what actually tipped the scale, but I'm feeling pretty freaking motivated right now. I know there there are a few contributing factors, so here is my recipe for Funk-Be-Gone! Well, as good of a recipe as possible at the moment. It's like trying to figure out a recipe after only taking a bite of what is supposed to be the finished product. Tough!!! 

FUNK-BE-GONE

From the Kitchen of Stefani

Servings: As much as you need. 

Cook time: 2-6 Weeks

NOTE: All measurements vary based on the person. 

Friends (who know and support your health/fitness goals)

Perseverance

Logical Thinking

Communication 

Insight

Things That Inspire You

Decisiveness

Step 1: Be sure to take a BIG gulp of perseverance. You can't give up just because you don't "feel like it". If your mom gave up on you because she didn't "feel like" being a parent then you'd be worse off than you are now! You have to keep going through the motions. Fake it until you make it. Make sure to be communicating with you friends about your funk. They can provide external motivation. 

Step 2: Look at yourself. Your life. Your days. What is it that you feel your missing? Gotta have a little insight. Are you missing alone time? Are you missing friends? Are you feeling the need to further yourself? Are you feeling lonely? Are you angry? Why? Do whatever it takes (within reason) to work on that part of your life. I started the process of getting my masters. I took some extra time for myself. I cleaned my house. (For real a dirty house throws me off, but I hate cleaning!!!)

Step 3: Make sure your still keeping your friends involved. Ask them for help. 

Step 4: Seek inspiration. Look for things that might inspire you. Watch videos that might inspire you. Read quotes. Seek inspiration wherever you can get it. 

Step 5: MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND!!! Set some goals. Decide that you are going to accomplish those goals. Call your friends again and ask them to help you!!! 

For me this turned into a 7 day Paleo Challenge with my friends, and a month of October where I will not cheat unless it's pre-planned. Basically I won't impulsively cheat. And after watching some squat videos I've decided that my squat is about to get an overhaul. I was even so motivated today that I still WODed even though I forgot my shoes!!! Yup, I WODed in shitty shoes and took that shit off and just wore my socks at one point.

Feelin' amazing. About to look amazing. Excited to see what my body can be!!!

PS: I also would like to say that there is NO WAY IN HELL I would have EVER stuck with any of this if it wasn't for my CrossFit fam, and my friends. I really think that paying to go to CrossFit or paying for a trainer is 100% worth it. Unless you have some super motivated friends. Plus, if your lucky (like I am) your trainer/coach/fellow CrossFitters will be come your best friends and biggest fans. 

I FREAKIN' LOVE CROSSFIT!!!

Welfare

IF I HAVE TO SEE ONE MORE EFFING MEME THAT SAYS "You should have to pass a drug test for welfare, because I had to pass a drug test to earn it" OR "I want a picture of the ghetto family I'm supporting." I'M GOING TO FUCKING LOSE MY GOD DAMN MIND!!! 

I can't decide if people are heartless or idiots. Maybe a combination of the two? Or maybe just ignorant to reality. 

OK, that's probably kind of mean. But I really do feel that way. 

I get it. People misuse the welfare system. It's true. There are people out there who take advantage and who teach their kids to take advantage and they take advantage. There are people with brand new cars who are on welfare. It's unfortunate. You should know that whether you know it or believe it or not there are limits on actual welfare money. There is a 5 year per-person federal cap on actual welfare. Now, there are other money sources such as disability or unemployment that may allow for more time. But actual welfare tops out at 5 years. Food Stamps are a whole nother story, but we won't get into that. You can tell me I'm lying, but I was trained in this shit. I kind of know a little bit about what I'm taking about. 

SURPRISE, there are actual people who need to access welfare for one reason or another. It is there for a reason. I think that everyone should pray that they don't have to ever access welfare, because it is definitely not rich making. BUT if you have a family that needs to live and you don't want to be homeless, you will access it. Or I hope you will at least. If you're so prideful you're willing to make your family homeless instead of accessing government funds I don't think you deserve your family. Just saying. 

Now let's address MEME #1... 

"I think people should take drug tests." 

Yes, you're probably right. That would be logical, but do you know what happens by requiring this??? Kids don't eat. Kids don't live in any kind of decent housing. Kids don't have clothing. Kids come to people like me and say, "I stole because my mom can't afford clothes for me." Yes, I've heard that. You are hurting KIDS. Kids who are innocent. Kids who already got the short end of the stick. You are creating kids who re-enter the cycle. You are eliminating opportunities for them. 

Oh, excellent idea! We'll just take these kids away from their parents!!! Uh... that isn't how things work. Kids want to be with their parents. Plain and simple. Kids want to be with their drug using inappropriate parents. Also, it is actually VERY difficult to get kids taken out of the home. It does not happen as often as people "think" it should happen. There aren't enough foster homes in the world, and literature says that kids are better off with their parents no matter how bad their parents are. So, in short, kids are not going to be taken out of homes. It is unrealistic. It's unlikely. It's not going to happen. 

MEME #2

"Picture of the Ghetto Family"

First of all  your taxes go to so many things, that you probably give your "adopted family" a total of a couple bucks a pay check. If that much. Maybe if you're making a million dollars a year that's different, but most of the people who want a picture aren't. Also, you don't know who the people on welfare are. It's not like they have stamps on their head. Maybe you're assuming people are on welfare, but their not. Maybe you're assuming people aren't on welfare but they are. Maybe assuming makes and ass out of me and you. I'm thinking the last one is correct. Basically it's a pretty freaking arrogant statement to make considering chances are most people aren't even aware of how the system works. 

Again you are only hurting kids. You are putting this stigma onto kids, when it's not their fault their parents access welfare. You are teaching your kids to single these kids out. You are creating kids who live into what everyone thinks they should. You are not allowing kids to see their potential. You are shaming kids for something they should not be shamed for. 

FINALLY, if the government wasn't taking taxes to help these families then they would use that money for something else. Stop freaking whining. It's not going to stop. You will always pay taxes. You can either throw a fit about it your whole life or accept it and move on. 

FINALLY, FINALLY maybe everyone should worry about themselves, and not spend so much time worrying about others and how they get their money. 

Independent

I kind of love this song. Like a lot. Like maybe too much. 

If I had a check list of things I wanted to be, it would be this song. I sing it in my head. "She got her own house, her own car..." 

It kind of makes me smile. Makes me feel a little bad ass. 

I've been told that it's "intimidating" that I own a house. That I'm "too" independent. 

Those things make me feel insecure for a second. Then I think about ways to remedy that. 

Here would be the solutions... 

- I can sell my house. 

- I can sell my car. 

- I can depend on someone to provide for me. 

- I can turn into who these people want me to be. 

- I could depend on everyone else to make decisions for me. 

- I can just stop working and live with my parents, until they can pass me off to a man. 

A list of things I'm not willing to do... 

[See Above List]

Turns out I just can't be THAT girl.

Also, if you ask me I'll tell you that I feel SO lucky to be where I'm at today. I definitely had some assistance along the way from my fambam. 

There was a perfect storm of goodness that has gotten me here. I am pretty determined. I worked hard. I know what I want. My fambam helped where they could. And BAM here I am. 

If that is intimidating, so be it. 

Cuz I'll just sing this song ALL DAY and night...

While I cuddle with my Chihuahuas. 

In my own house. 

That sounds a little less cool. 

What is that to-do list again? 

Head Held High

Ummm... Can I just tell you that I thought that the response to my last blog was freaking BEAUTIFUL. Absolutely amazing. 

I was afraid to post that blog. I didn't know what the response would be. 

I was humbled. It's funny, because somehow I had gotten into this mindset that I was the only one with insecurities. That I was the only one struggling to overcome her own thoughts daily. And if there was others they were no where close. 

I was wrong. 

The people I see everyday. The women I love so dearly, all have insecurities. I freaking love that everyone was able to share their insecurities. I think that we're all one step closer to overcoming those! It was BEAUTIFUL. 

(I also think that we'll all cry as we overcome those insecurities, but it's fine... )

And the love I felt. I seriously have been feeling pretty lonely here lately. I can't pin my finger onto why. I've been here about a year, but lately it's just kinda sucked. I think there are a lot of reasons. Some of it is my own insecurities. But I was reminded how much I was loved by my CrossFit family. These are people that I've known only since March if not later than that. Seriously it amazes me. CrossFit really does turn strangers into friends and friends into family. 

So, today I walked into the box today. Head held high. Knowing that some of my biggest fans would be there. And they were.

I'm a pretty lucky girl. 

Body Weight Deadlifts

Anyone who has known me for any period of time probably knows I'm a fairly emotional person, and I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I try really hard not to act based on my emotions, and I think that 80% of the time I don't.

Along with that comes crying. I'm kind of a crier. I don't understand it. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm sad. I'm cry when I'm insecure. I cry when I get what I want. I cry when I don't get what I want. I cry when I fail. I cry when I succeed. I cry when other people cry. One time when I got detention I cried. (Cried so hard my friends thought someone had died. Ha!) I cry. Just the way life is. I try really hard to keep it together,and generally I'm fairly successful. Because the only thing worse than crying is having other people see you cry. Ha! Seriously, I feel like such an idiot when people are like "Oh, Stefani." It's totally not an attention seeking kind of thing, it's completely uncontrollable, and I just want to get it together without anyone saying anything.

I'm finding that this maybe isn't as abnormal as I think it is. Apparently some other people are criers. I like to think it means that we have the biggest hearts. POWER TO THE CRIERS!!!

Today, I lost it. Which I sometimes will let myself do when I'm alone. It kind of empties out the pools behind my eyes. Makes it easier to get it together later. Seriously though... It's ridiculous I know.

I'm sure you're wondering... What upset Princess Stefani so bad? Well here is how it went in the mind of Stefani...

8:30 AM: Ah, gonna WOD this morning. Wonder what it is... Oh, that's not too bad... WAIT... Partner Deadlifts at 65% of TOTAL BODY WEIGHT.

***Instant tears*** If I go in not only do I have to tell someone how much I weigh, but then I have to put in on a bar for the whole world to see. Everyone will know that our bar is heavier because of me. I can't go in there. I can't do that. I'm not going in.

I don't understand why we have to do things based on body weight? Can anything be more humiliating? Is it really that hard to just come up with a number for everyone?

Why do I have to be so insecure? I know these people don't care. I guess you can't just ignore 24+ years of shame and complete insecurity surrounding your weight.

Now, I'm a hot mess. There's no way I can go in. I will cry all WOD. Saturdays are supposed to be fun, and if I go in right now other people will not have fun. I can't ruin it for everyone.

***I didn't go in***

*******

As the day went on I just felt like crap. I didn't get in my Saturday WOD. The one social thing I can count on every weekend with some of my only friends in Twin Falls had come and gone and I didn't have the confidence to go in. The one place that always can make me feel better made me feel like shit today.

I know it's no one's fault. I know that boxes all over the country do lifts based on weight, and CrossFit won't change it's ways because I can't handle the shame.

BUT I've had a sad, lonely, endorphin-less, crying heart all day.

I feel like in this journey of CrossFit and being healthy every time I take two 2 forward (I was finally out of my 3 week funk) I take 3 steps back. I'm looking forward to the day that I can look every WOD in the face. When I can talk about my weight without shame. I just wish it was sooner. I just wish it would have been today.

Like I tell everyone... The trick is to not give up. So, I'll keep on keeping on.

Even though I must say today I wanted nothing more than to join a globo gym, because when you do things by yourself these kind of insecurities don't come into play.

Cardboard Horns

So, about the time I met Katy's ex some friends asked me what I was looking for in a dude. I said "uh, I don't know." The truth is I do know. I just feel like I'm asking too much. Like I'm asking for something that doesn't exist. And if they don't exist then I'll be alone forever. Ha. So, I should settle... right??? 

I think there are two schools of thought... 

School Debbie Downer: Don't shoot too high or you'll just be disappointed and alone. If you aren't finding anyone then maybe you should lower your standards. You know they are men! The main goal is just to find one you can deal with, and has a good job. It helps if you like them too. But if you want to keep liking them you have to cut them a lot of slack, and make sure you're not expecting too much. 

School Optimistic Opal: You deserve the best, and if he's not the best then you ain't got no time for him. You will get your prince charming. He will do everything you want and be everything you dreamed. Keep those standards high ladies. 

Here is my school... 

School Compromising Connie: I've got standards. Eff Ya... you better meet them or your out!!! Oh... well... you meet most of them, so that's cool. You don't actually have to meet them all. Oh, huh... turns out you don't meet that one either... or that one... or that one... (100 fails later)... Screw you ass hole! I deserve better than you! 

Yup... I'm going to guess a lot of females go to school with me. Ha, so stupid. 

I have a list of things I'd like to find. I won't give them all to you. I think that it's semi-private and ever changing.  Here's a section I'd like a dude to have but fear that I have a better chance of finding a unicorn. 

I'd really like a dude who is loves Jesus (I don't like the term Christian most days). He doesn't have to be religious (I don't really go to church as much as I should), just cool with a family where we pray, love Jesus, and attend church at least now and again. The trick is that he also has to love everyone. He can't be judgmental. (Especially has to love all my homosexual friends. The biggest barrier I've found for most "Christians".) He has to like a nice adult beverage every now and again, and doesn't judge me because I like to party every now and again. It'd be cool if he was the DD or partied too. But I'm getting off subject... He also can't judge me for cussing, but he could encourage me not to cuss at much. Mostly because I know I shouldn't cuss this much. 

See THAT. THAT is what all dudes are missing to one degree or another. Usually they don't believe in Jesus or they are judgmental and not loving of others. Not that any of those things are necessary "terrible", but they certainly wouldn't fit well as part of my life... I'm pretty freaking liberal in most of my thinking AND at the same time I do a lot of that praying and trusting God thing. And it works for me. It helps me through the tough times, and gives me satisfaction in the good times. I know that I have friends who don't believe the same. That's fine. But those are my beliefs and I'd like someone who shares them. 

Seriously, a freaking unicorn. So, I think that maybe I'll just focus on grad school... that should distract me from the horses with cardboard horns trying to trick me for awhile. 

Grad School

I think it's time. Time that I get my master's. I figure that I know that I can do it now. I have time, I only have to worry about me, and I have a job with a fixed schedule. This is like the golden moment for me. I know if I don't do it now I won't ever do it. Then I'll always feel like poop because I didn't. 

Since I do have to work while I do this I am thinking about doing it online. 

Here are my thoughts on online degrees... 

1. You are really missing out on the teacher and student interaction. The benefit of attending a university in person is that you get that interaction which not only widens your personal view but gives you perspective you didn't know you were missing. 

2. It takes self discipline. 

3. It may not be as legitimate other degrees. I don't know know if that's the right word... But basically I don't want people to look at my degree and say "psh... she got her degree from where." 

Why and how I would go about it... 

1. I can work and go to school at the same time. Which means I still make money and (I think) I can get tuition reimbursement. 

2. It would be in a field like HR or public administration, and I feel that those fields are pretty black and white and don't have as much of a need for perspective or different world views like Social Work or Psychology might. 

3. I would go through an established state university. There are schools like Colorado State, Oregon State, Penn State, etc. that all have online programs. I do that in hopes that when people see the degree they don't look at me like I wasted a shit ton of money. 

4. I hope that I can find discipline somewhere deep inside, but I also know myself well enough that push come to shove I get done what needs to get done. Besides, I'm sure I need to revisit all nighters... :) 

I want to get degrees that will allow me to move up in my department (and maybe return to Boise). While I go to school all my student loans will be differed, so I can pay off any debt I might have that would keep me here and prepare myself to be able to move somewhere else if necessary. 

I think I'm too young to be stagnant. I know that Social Work can only take me so far, especially in this field. If I want to enter the administrative part of the world I need to broaden my knowledge. 

Hmmm... I just hope that it all works out. Seriously, if someone tells me I wasted a lot of money on an online degree I'll cry. 

Any thoughts on online programs? I will take suggestions/thoughts... 

DSM 5 Learnin'

My head is SPINNING!!! That typically happens after I go to trainings for a few reasons... 

1. I just learned a lot of new stuff that I'm all hyped up on and analyzing! 

2. Over the least few days I've had 4+ hours of alone drive time, plus alone time in the hotel and that much time alone with your thoughts is well... INTENSE! 

I will probably post a couple other blogs tonight. Seriously, that's how much thinking I'm doing on a billion different subjects. Or maybe I'll write them and spread them out. Who knows? BUT I thought I'd start with a blog about what I learned today. I know a lot of my friends are affected by the DSM-5. I learned A LOT about it today, but I just thought I'd highlight a few points. I think that if any of you have the opportunity for a training you should take it. 

You should know that I find this stuff insanely intriguing. You should also know I'm not a clinician. I only need/have a working knowledge of diagnoses. Meaning, if I have a juvenile in my care I need to know what the diagnostic symptoms might be and how to work with those symptoms. I at NO point can give those kinds of diagnoses at this time. Even though I like to mentally diagnose the people around me. None of them are official... Though maybe accurate. :) Also, you should know that this training may have grazed some of the discussions around the changes, but did not talk about it in depth. It was only a 6 hour training and it was specifically on why the changes were made from APA's perspective, what the changes are, and how they might affect clients and clinicians in practice. I am in no way informed about the debates surrounding the DSM-5. I just know that it will be used, I need to know what the new diagnoses are referring to, and how it might affect my juveniles. That being said here are some highlights... (And when I say high lights, I mean highlights. Maybe "Fun Facts" might be more accurate.)

WHY: First of all, it took 13 YEARS for APA to publish a new DSM. Well technically the most recent DSM was published in 1994, and only an update (DSM IV-TR) was published in 2000. That is a long freaking time to work on a book. There have also be MANY developments in the way of neuroscience, biology, psychology, genetics, etc. We know so much more then we did then, so it was most certainly time for a change. APA worked to make the DSM align itself with ICD-10 (the tool used by medical professionals), ADA, Public Laws, and World Health Association. By aligning with all of these groups diagnoses are better understood across cultures and in different settings. When people see diagnoses now, they will all be on the same page. This is VERY important when it comes to making sure that people receive adequate care and have access to adequate resources. 

INTERESTING CHANGES: There is no longer a section specifically for children. All of those diagnoses have been distributed throughout the DSM-5. 

They will be using DSM-5 rather than DSM-V. Also, all updates will be DSM-5.1, DSM-5.2, etc. This is to ease in international use because most other countries don't recognize Roman Numerals. Psh, most of this country can't read them anymore! 

The DSM-5 focuses  a lot on genetic research/findings, neuroscience links, and attachment! There was a lot of focus on revising related diagnoses. 

(The Controversial One) Autism Spectrum Disorder now is an umbrella for Autism Spectrum Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, Asperger's Syndrome, and Rhetts (I believe, but I'm not sure...). All of those diagnoses have gone away and all people with diagnoses are diagnosed with Autism. The reason for this is because the neuroscience between all 5 of these is very similar even though the symptoms are not. The controversy comes in (to my understanding) primarily with people who were previously diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I have not done research on their side of the story, but my assumption is they fear the social stigma related with Autsim and possible loss of identity. I guess the good news is that clinicians and the DSM-5 still recognize the symptomatic differences. For that reasons there are 3 Levels of Severity within the Autism Spectrum Disorder. With Level 1 referring to the higher functioning people or people previous diagnosed with Asperger's. I'm assuming that this is really exciting for people who have kids on the who teeter between Asperger's and Autism, because now their kids will comfortably fit in the 2nd Level. Also, there are 3 specifiers that could be used. This means that while there aren't the other diagnoses there are 27 (if I did my math right) different ways that Asperger's can be represented in a diagosis. This really gives potential care providers a good idea of what kind of symptoms to expect and can really improve the quality of care given to these individuals. Also, across the country families who had children with Asperger's have struggled in IEP meetings, because it's always been a discussion as to what category Asperger's fell into. Now that it is Autism IEPs will more adequately provide resources for these kids, and additional resources may be available for employment as well. This change makes the DSM-5 more compatible with the ADA and laws surrounding IEP. 

Children who mothers smoke while pregnant are more likely to develop ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or Conduct Disorder. (Note: Those are probably the most prevalent diagnoses in the juvenile justice system.) Now their not 100% sure if it's the smoke or if it's because people who smoke while pregnant are more likely to have the genetic markers for ADHD, ODD, or CD. (Yup, there are genetic markers for those kinds of things!). Either way... DON'T SMOKE! 

Reactive Attachment Disorder was split into two different diagnoses. 

Gender identity disorder is GONE and Gender Dsyphoria is in! 

There's a new diagnosis called Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder which will eliminate the Bipolar diagnosis in most kids. Giving a kid a diagnosis of Bipolar is scary, because it sticks for life. This gives them a stepping stone prior to that diagnosis. 

There is no hierarchy to diagnoses. This is in attempt for Mental Health diagnoses to be recognized on the same level of medical diagnoses.

Also, it has been proven that vaccinations do not cause Autism. The journal that, that was published in has removed that article, and the doctor who made that claim has been suspended. Most kids with Autism will start showing very noticeable symptoms at 18 months, the same time a certain vaccination was given. The doctor did not take into account that prior to that the children who had Autism struggled to latch on with nursing and other early warning signs. 

Ummm... I learned a lot more but those I found most interesting. Again, this is about the limit of my knowledge. I'm would love to hear thoughts. I know that I have a lot of informed parents and professionals on the old FB. However, at this point the DSM-5 isn't really up for debate, and I don't have the knowledge to debate. It's all about moving forward and dealing with what we have. (Know that many clinicians are not all thrilled with changes either).  

Diaries of a Single Lady

So, I think I should rename this blog to "Diaries of a Single Lady". I figure I've already put some crazy person thoughts out there. Might as well keep it up, right??? Plus, this way I really will be single for life and the blog would be never ending!!! Ha... Or I'll leave it the way it is and just keep being real. You're welcome.

Today, Hunter Hayes was talking to me. Well... maybe it wasn't me but I'm pretty sure it was to me. I was listening to "I Want Crazy" and just singing along. Then he said "I don't want a catch up call and a date sometimes." And I thought... "ME EITHER!!! LET'S GET MARRIED!!!" Then I thought that maybe I was being a home wrecker, but then I remembered that I heard somewhere that he and fiance broke up. So, I'm not a home wrecker. Then I remembered that it was just the radio, and he wasn't actually there talking to me. Big bummer.

But for real. I think that since I've been in Twin Falls I've kinda really felt like I was going to be single forever, so I'm maybe not as selective as I could be. This is seriously what was going on with Katy's ex. He didn't really have time for me, or at least not the time that I thought I needed. Don't get me wrong he's fantastic. He's a nice dude, funny, and a hard worker, and we had lots of fun together. I hate to beg for attention though. I get annoyed of myself. Seriously, I am not that girl!!! I think in the world of single-dom it's easy to settle. Being single sucks some times. It's also really awesome sometimes. Or a lot of times. I mean you know, it kind of depends on the mood I'm in. But it does suck sometimes.

I think that living here in Twin Falls has really started to skew my perception of the world. Seriously... EVERYONE IS MARRIED!! OR IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! Don't get me wrong, I don't hate those people. I mean good for them. You found someone that has agreed to put up with your shit forever! That is a good thing! But, it's hard to be single around that. Don't get me wrong I like 3rd or 5th wheelin' it with my friends. I like that I don't have consider the feelings of another person. (Hahaha). I do have consider the feelings of my chihuahuas though. They're so needy!!! Anyway back to the point... But it's hard to remember that most 24 year olds around the United States are actually single. Not married. Single. In fact here is some interesting information on marriages. I particularly like the one that says that women who wait to marry until they're 30 make more money!!! Holla!!!

Anyways, I'm very good at being single... I've done it for pretty much 24+ years now. So here's 10 things that suck. And 10 things that rock. Let's do the sucks first so we can end on a positive note.

Sucky Sucky Poo Poo

1. You have no one to kill... er... re-home... your spiders!

2. You have to take out your own garbage.

3. Coming home to an empty house all the time kinda stinks.

4. You have to find other people who are either single or not doing anything with their significant other or will let you 3rd wheel if you want to hang out with people. That makes for some lonely Friday nights eating watermelon, drinking wine, and blogging. (This was not such a problem in Boise. But I'm struggling at the moment.)

5. You have to do the dishes every night.

6. Talking to your dogs is kinda weird, and they're not good conversationalists.

7. You have to call your dad to fix things. Then he has to give up golf for a day/afternoon, and that is never good.

8. You have to always drive.

9. The chihuahuas are really bad at cuddling.

10. It gets really awkward when everyone is talking bout their man and your like... "Oh, I know what you mean... my chihuahuas today were running around the house and  barking."

Awesome Awesome Yay Yay

1. I do what I want, when I want, because I want. 

2. When the chihuahuas are bad or annoying I don't have to "talk it out"... I just put them in their kennel until I feel like dealing with them again. 

3. No one to argue about chores with. Seriously, I do my chores when I want because I want. 

4. No one can bitch about my chihuahuas. If you don't like them don't come over. 

5. Proper hygiene is optional. (Hahahahahaha, jk)

6. No body can judge my musical or show selections. 

7. I don't have to fret over what to buy for Christmas, Birthday, Valentines, Arbor Day, etc.!!!  

8. When I go to the bar I can accept free drinks without guilt. 

9. Holidays are spent with my family, no question. 

10. I do not have to consult anyone else when I make plans. 

Anywho, pretty sure I'm not the only single person on earth who feels that way. I think that the only thing that matters is how you deal with it. If you are relationship crazy and jump from one dude there is probably a problem. I am also probably judging you and telling you in my head how dysfunctional that is. However, if you're logical and realize you've fallen into the "single sucks" hole, you can pull yourself out and keep on enjoying your single-dom until a super awesome dude comes along. Seriously, it is kind of great.

I'm going to go "cuddle" with the chihuahuas now. You're jealous. I know.

What Not To Do

I just thought you all should know that Katy Perry's ex has pulled his head out of his ass, for now... We used these things called "words". I know that they're foreign to most men. I swear if they could men would form a language of grunts that allows them to say "Please pass the beer." "My team is better than yours." "I would like a large pepperoni." What more could they need???

Ok, Ok, that's really sexist. I know. Bad social worker. Ha! But for real... 

Anywho Katy's ex apologized appropriately, and we discussed what level of communication might keep me not crazy. (Good luck sucka!) I'm NOT that needy though. Seriously, all I ask is that he text me when he leaves his house, when he gets to work, every hour while he's at work, when he gets home, after he takes a shower, and right before bed. Is that so much to ask???? JUST KIDDING!!! If you thought that, that is reasonable you probably don't trust your fella and you're freaking crazy. Get medication. Now. Please. For the rest of us. Anywho, given the fact that we're "just hanging out" and "getting to know each other" and I'm a stupid girl it was decided that 1 text every 48 hours with some hang out time and phone time thrown in will keep me happy. See, I'm not that needy!!! (Take notes next fella in line, take notes!) 

Hehe, how tacky is that? Look at me "hanging out" with Katy's ex and lining up the next dude!!! Don't you people know me??? I don't do that shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I'm not saying Katy's ex and I will go anywhere past "hanging out", but I refuse to be the girl who keeps 10 guys on the line. You know, reserves just in case. Ain't going to do it. And yes, I judge you if you do, do it. Only one dude at a time ladies! It's just not fair to the rest of us. STOP BEING A MAN HOG!!! Sorry I'm not sorry. 

Also I think I should take a moment to tell you all what NOT to do regarding relationships in the internet... 

1. Don't tell people when you're mad at someone, because then you have to set them straight. 

2. Don't tell the world how freaking nuts you are. 

3. Don't judge other people's relationship styles. It's none ya business.

4. Don't post anything about your "hanging out" person or otherwise, because they may eventually find out. 

Oh, wait I've done all 4! Although he certainly has no idea at this point. 

On second thought maybe I should line up another fella, because I'm pretty sure Katy's ex (like a normal person) might get cold and forget the hot part if he ever reads this shit. 

Also, for the record he really is a nice dude. Works super hard (too hard?). And thinks I'm funny. Plus his eyes are almost as fantastic as mine. Just thought I'd put a good word in for the fella. I know my brother read this shit, so JESSE HE REALLY IS NICE.

Thank you for joining Stefani's blog. Which will likely keep her single FOOOOOOOOOOOOOREVER. 

Stefani, Who?

Seriously, dating is stupid. I think that I'm all for arranged marriages. It has to be easier. I think I trust my dad's judgement to at least get a nice guy and my mom's judgement to make sure he's not a total loser. I can work with that right?

Anyways, so it amazes me how fast people (including myself) can lose themselves over other people. I mean a person starts to like you for you. In my case if a guy ever says "I like that you just call it like it is." Perfect! Because that's what I do best! So, I had that happen. Then Katy Perry's ex-boyfriend (Read This) just disappears. And I get all insecure. "OMG he doesn't like me?" "He said he likes me!" "Why doesn't he like me?" "Why won't he text me?" "Did I do something wrong." And other thoughts of an insecure 24 year old girl.

Then I realized... WTF??? Who the hell thinks like this? Certainly not me!!! I am a 24 year old woman not some insecure little girl. What would I do in this situation??? Call his ass out!!! You can't go around telling a girl how much you like her and then forgetting she exists. It's not OK. It's rude. Sometimes you have to use your effing words. Seriously... If you want me to disappear tell me to effing disappear!!! But use your words!!! Your mama didn't teach you words so that you can stand there and look pretty!

So, I said that to him. A little nicer. I'm not a bitch after all. Just a girl who wants answers. AND what do you know it's been an hour with no response. So, I think a giant "fuck you" text is in order. That's rude though... So I might not. I don't want to be too crazy. But for real! Grow up!

Anyways this could be a really awkward post if he like broke his texting fingers or something, and then we end up living happily ever after. In which case my message to him is, "Well, you were being an idiot. I'm glad you got over that sickness for now. But you will be an idiot again, and I will probably be angry."

The lesson in all this is...

1. Don't forget who you are over a guy.
2. Don't let him make you feel insecure.
3. Blog about him, because Murphy's law says he's going to text me as soon as I post this.
4. If the right guy comes along he'll like you despite your crazy.
5. We are all a little bit crazy, let your crazy flag fly! It sorts out the men from the boys!

That is all for today. <3 p="">

Life in the Single Lane

I really think that being single is kind of a tough position to be in, and people maybe don't realize it. 

Don't get me wrong... I love  being single. I do what I want. When I want. Because I want. I don't have anyone questioning and quizzing me. 

A the same time doing things a lone can get boring. I run out of things to do when I want. Because I want. And quite frankly having someone to say, "Uh, Stefani slow your shit" could be beneficial at times. Or someone to say "You were right to do that." Someone besides my mom that is. She's supposed to be supportive. 

So I guess I'm saying that finding the right dude would be nice... 

And I've met some potentials, but there always seems to be something wrong! 

They are more high maintenance than me. 

(Seriously, if I can get ready faster than you, there is a problem!) 

They are narrow minded people who hate other people for stupid reasons.

(Lord knows I won't tolerate that shit). 

They live with their parents and have no intention of moving out. 

(Why can't we just live happily in your parent's basement with your kid's bed in the same room? You're right, I'm just being a bitch.) 

They don't make money on the up and up. 

(Uh, I work in corrections as a social worker... Seriously?) 

They have fixed 10 year plans with not flexibility. 

(Seriously, I barely know what I'm going to eat tomorrow, and you have your ENTIRE life planned 10 years out? Ya... Not waiting around to squeeze myself in at the end of the plan.) 

They like to talk to me a lot, when they're drunk. 

(Yup, I love you so much every other Friday when you're shit faced. Thanks for the call!)

Then there are a few nice ones that just don't quite do it for ya. 

(Now this is me being high maintenance, but I don't want "good enough") 

So, all you married ladies... look at your man and thank God you're not single. Unless he's a douche bag. Then be angry, because being single is better than being with a douche bag any day. Real talk. 

Then there are other factors. I can't even tell you how many times this has happened to me in the last few months. Here's how it goes... 

Me: Ohhhhh... He's cute? 

Friend: Ya, isn't he? He's a doctor and a lawyar and he lifts and he has a great family and he's pretty much God's gift to earth! 

Me: Ohhhhh! Hook it up!

Friend: Oh, and he's married. 

Me: WTF!!!

There are two lessons in this story. 

A. WEAR YOUR EFFING WEDDING RINGS!!! Or get them tattooed on like my parents. Seriously do something, because I shouldn't have to feel like a freaking home wrecker, because your wedding ring "bothers you". You want to know what bothers me??? People who don't wear effing wedding rings and are married!!! 

B. Friends, do not tell me about a guy who is married. First thing out of your mouth should be. "Married" or "Taken" or "Can of Worms" or "Gay". I don't care what you say, but END THE CONVERSATION! 

Now, my next favorite situation. The set up by a friend. 

Friend: Oh, look at him. Isn't he cute? Stef he's really  nice you should meet him!

Me: Oh, he is nice. ***Scrolls through FB pics*** Uh... is this is girlfriend? 

Friend: No, that's his daughter. 

Me: ***Speechless***

Friend: He started having kids young. 

Here is the lesson for this one. 

A. IF HIS KID IS OLDER THEN 10, THEN HE WAS MAKING BABIES WHEN I WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. Seriously, I was giggling cuz I held Pup's hand, and somewhere else he was making a freaking BABY!!! Do you see how this might not work??? 

B. I get that people have pasts, but let's be realistic when setting me up with people. One kid that's pretty young... OK, cool. I can handle that. 8 kids? Nope. Not quite divorced? Nope. A kid over the age of 10? No way in hell. People need to use some freaking judgement. This is my life, not some reality TV match up game. 

So, as you can see being single ain't always easy. And we didn't even get into the shit you have to put up with other people saying. Seriously, if I get told I'm going to be single for life one more time I will shank a bitch. 

I don't understand why it's too much to ask that I find a man who loves my extremist ways, thinks I'm funny, appreciates my randomness, and thinks I'm cute even when I look homeless out in public. Seriously, he's out there somewhere. And if he's not... Then I hear chihuahuas live for like 20 years. So, that's cool too. My chihuahuas love me! 

Ok, that is all. Out of the mouth of a single chick. Now, I'm going to go be angry about a dude who's so hot and cold I'm pretty sure Katy Perry probably dated him.