I really think that being single is kind of a tough position to be in, and people maybe don't realize it.
Don't get me wrong... I love being single. I do what I want. When I want. Because I want. I don't have anyone questioning and quizzing me.
A the same time doing things a lone can get boring. I run out of things to do when I want. Because I want. And quite frankly having someone to say, "Uh, Stefani slow your shit" could be beneficial at times. Or someone to say "You were right to do that." Someone besides my mom that is. She's supposed to be supportive.
So I guess I'm saying that finding the right dude would be nice...
And I've met some potentials, but there always seems to be something wrong!
They are more high maintenance than me.
(Seriously, if I can get ready faster than you, there is a problem!)
They are narrow minded people who hate other people for stupid reasons.
(Lord knows I won't tolerate that shit).
They live with their parents and have no intention of moving out.
(Why can't we just live happily in your parent's basement with your kid's bed in the same room? You're right, I'm just being a bitch.)
They don't make money on the up and up.
(Uh, I work in corrections as a social worker... Seriously?)
They have fixed 10 year plans with not flexibility.
(Seriously, I barely know what I'm going to eat tomorrow, and you have your ENTIRE life planned 10 years out? Ya... Not waiting around to squeeze myself in at the end of the plan.)
They like to talk to me a lot, when they're drunk.
(Yup, I love you so much every other Friday when you're shit faced. Thanks for the call!)
Then there are a few nice ones that just don't quite do it for ya.
(Now this is me being high maintenance, but I don't want "good enough")
So, all you married ladies... look at your man and thank God you're not single. Unless he's a douche bag. Then be angry, because being single is better than being with a douche bag any day. Real talk.
Then there are other factors. I can't even tell you how many times this has happened to me in the last few months. Here's how it goes...
Me: Ohhhhh... He's cute?
Friend: Ya, isn't he? He's a doctor and a lawyar and he lifts and he has a great family and he's pretty much God's gift to earth!
Me: Ohhhhh! Hook it up!
Friend: Oh, and he's married.
Me: WTF!!!
There are two lessons in this story.
A. WEAR YOUR EFFING WEDDING RINGS!!! Or get them tattooed on like my parents. Seriously do something, because I shouldn't have to feel like a freaking home wrecker, because your wedding ring "bothers you". You want to know what bothers me??? People who don't wear effing wedding rings and are married!!!
B. Friends, do not tell me about a guy who is married. First thing out of your mouth should be. "Married" or "Taken" or "Can of Worms" or "Gay". I don't care what you say, but END THE CONVERSATION!
Now, my next favorite situation. The set up by a friend.
Friend: Oh, look at him. Isn't he cute? Stef he's really nice you should meet him!
Me: Oh, he is nice. ***Scrolls through FB pics*** Uh... is this is girlfriend?
Friend: No, that's his daughter.
Me: ***Speechless***
Friend: He started having kids young.
Here is the lesson for this one.
A. IF HIS KID IS OLDER THEN 10, THEN HE WAS MAKING BABIES WHEN I WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. Seriously, I was giggling cuz I held Pup's hand, and somewhere else he was making a freaking BABY!!! Do you see how this might not work???
B. I get that people have pasts, but let's be realistic when setting me up with people. One kid that's pretty young... OK, cool. I can handle that. 8 kids? Nope. Not quite divorced? Nope. A kid over the age of 10? No way in hell. People need to use some freaking judgement. This is my life, not some reality TV match up game.
So, as you can see being single ain't always easy. And we didn't even get into the shit you have to put up with other people saying. Seriously, if I get told I'm going to be single for life one more time I will shank a bitch.
I don't understand why it's too much to ask that I find a man who loves my extremist ways, thinks I'm funny, appreciates my randomness, and thinks I'm cute even when I look homeless out in public. Seriously, he's out there somewhere. And if he's not... Then I hear chihuahuas live for like 20 years. So, that's cool too. My chihuahuas love me!
Ok, that is all. Out of the mouth of a single chick. Now, I'm going to go be angry about a dude who's so hot and cold I'm pretty sure Katy Perry probably dated him.
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