What Not To Do

I just thought you all should know that Katy Perry's ex has pulled his head out of his ass, for now... We used these things called "words". I know that they're foreign to most men. I swear if they could men would form a language of grunts that allows them to say "Please pass the beer." "My team is better than yours." "I would like a large pepperoni." What more could they need???

Ok, Ok, that's really sexist. I know. Bad social worker. Ha! But for real... 

Anywho Katy's ex apologized appropriately, and we discussed what level of communication might keep me not crazy. (Good luck sucka!) I'm NOT that needy though. Seriously, all I ask is that he text me when he leaves his house, when he gets to work, every hour while he's at work, when he gets home, after he takes a shower, and right before bed. Is that so much to ask???? JUST KIDDING!!! If you thought that, that is reasonable you probably don't trust your fella and you're freaking crazy. Get medication. Now. Please. For the rest of us. Anywho, given the fact that we're "just hanging out" and "getting to know each other" and I'm a stupid girl it was decided that 1 text every 48 hours with some hang out time and phone time thrown in will keep me happy. See, I'm not that needy!!! (Take notes next fella in line, take notes!) 

Hehe, how tacky is that? Look at me "hanging out" with Katy's ex and lining up the next dude!!! Don't you people know me??? I don't do that shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I'm not saying Katy's ex and I will go anywhere past "hanging out", but I refuse to be the girl who keeps 10 guys on the line. You know, reserves just in case. Ain't going to do it. And yes, I judge you if you do, do it. Only one dude at a time ladies! It's just not fair to the rest of us. STOP BEING A MAN HOG!!! Sorry I'm not sorry. 

Also I think I should take a moment to tell you all what NOT to do regarding relationships in the internet... 

1. Don't tell people when you're mad at someone, because then you have to set them straight. 

2. Don't tell the world how freaking nuts you are. 

3. Don't judge other people's relationship styles. It's none ya business.

4. Don't post anything about your "hanging out" person or otherwise, because they may eventually find out. 

Oh, wait I've done all 4! Although he certainly has no idea at this point. 

On second thought maybe I should line up another fella, because I'm pretty sure Katy's ex (like a normal person) might get cold and forget the hot part if he ever reads this shit. 

Also, for the record he really is a nice dude. Works super hard (too hard?). And thinks I'm funny. Plus his eyes are almost as fantastic as mine. Just thought I'd put a good word in for the fella. I know my brother read this shit, so JESSE HE REALLY IS NICE.

Thank you for joining Stefani's blog. Which will likely keep her single FOOOOOOOOOOOOOREVER.